You Dont Deserve Me As a Friend

All I want is to be treated like a person. There is SO much I could open my mouth about of what people asked me not to say. But I don't. Im not like them Sometimes I wish I could just let it all out and watch them hurt. Like they hurt me. I get treated worse than nothing. By people Im supposed to call family. Sometimes I think its easier to let my depression take over. Stay in bed all day. Stay here. Alone. But even my own thoughts look down on me. And I just keep replaying it in my head. Vie been there for one specific person and they threw me under to save themselves. After coming to ME for help. As much as I want to be. I'm not cruel like you. I won't push someone down just to get ahead. I am stronger than this...even though it still hurts. But just this once, I'll let that monster inside take over...and knock you down a few.. Because nobody deserves to be treated like this and be made to feel the way you made me feel... Side note to the writing above. Just a personal note for myself. and anybody else that feels someone may have betrayed them. It sucks. But it gets easier. You shut me out as a friend. It's your loss. Everyone gets stressed out. But I NEVER turned my back on you. Not even when you threw me under the bus. I still wouldn't get you in trouble. Even if it meant getting kicked out. You we're too busy saving your own ass. You see, my teeth are messed up. The Subaru has no motor and I'm paying off debt. You're not the only one that's stressed out. Yeah I've gotten mad at you before but i usually get over it. this time is different. I did nothing to deserve how you've been treating me. You don't deserve me as a friend. I'm not afraid to post this. I'm not mad. I feel...nothing? To anybody that may come across this entry. You're not alone. You have a good heart. Don't shut anyone out. Just smile back and pay that person or people no mind. Until my next entry. Keep your head up. we're all in this together :)