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Yesterday Love Was Such An Easy Game To Play

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I posted this here before I was a premium member. I went back to my original write. I had removed key details. This is the piece as it flowed from my heart. It is a composition of all the betrayal I have felt in my life.

This is true in its emotional outpouring. The actual story is only a framework a writer uses to contain his system of exposed nerves, tactile and sensitive to the ravages of the outside.

No matter how sensitive you are if you want to live a full life you dance in the rain no matter the consequences. I love this world and the people in it. I do however suffer from depression. A deep depression I have owned since I was a young child. It is mine. I own it. I am presently single by choice.

Ironically I live a relatively happy life. I recognize my depression as a disease and I treat it on a daily basis. The same way one would treat a flu. 


Yesterday, I went home for lunch, I never go home for lunch. When I got to our apartment  I don't know why but I didn't reach for my key.  Francine was at work and I always leave last in the morning.  I was sure I had locked the door but I didn't reach for my key. I reached for the door knob and turned. The door was open.  I don't know how I knew. The moment I entered I knew.  I froze. I could feel it, smell it, hell I could taste it. I started walking but my muscles wouldn't move,  my lungs were grasping for air  for some oxygen  some sweet, sweet oxygen but I could barely breathe. “Leave!” I told myself but I kept walking. Not really walking,  it was like moving through mud,  like a slow motion scene in a movie.  But this wasn't a movie.  This was my life and I could feel it slipping away  from my grasp. I heard noises! Francine.  I had heard those noises a hundred times before,  they were the sounds of an Angel  but this was no heaven  this was my own private nightmare. The moans traveled through the muck in the air  amplified like the hiss from a distorted speaker.  It mocked me over and over again. Climbing a mountain might have been easier  but I finally reached the bedroom, and there they were, and there she was. I knew, I knew the moment I entered the apartment.  Why hadn't I just turned back?  I could barely see, my eyes were blurry,  covered in layers of my own tears. I could see her  I knew I had never seen him before. They were naked and in our bed.  Naked in OUR BED! How do you that? How do you cross the line to that extreme? You'd think the green eyed monster  would control my actions from here on in.  I did see green! I was insanely jealous but I didn't want to end up the morning headline in the newspaper. That monster jealousy was by my side but I took charge.  I'd have to keep him at bay, at least for now. You'd think I would be mad, I wasn't. You'd think I'd curse and call her whore. I didn't! Being cut open alive must be lest painful than this.   This hacked away at my spirit,  tore away at my self worth. I felt like a pile of worthless shreds. I spoke I mean my lips moved and words came out... I think.  I think I said,  I'm not sure it all happened so fast, she never spoke. I could see the shame on her face  she didn't need to speak,  but, but I think I said 'Sorry... I said Sorry and I left. I wandered for what seemed hours,  it was minutes.  It wasn't like I was meandering to a different drummer;  there just wasn't any music anymore. I was moving to the rhythm of the beating of my own heart.  Like a broken record it was skipping, like a broken record it played  in a loop of repetitive monotony. I suffered in my circled steps  until I couldn't stand it any more. I found just enough strength  to return to the apartment. I knew she was gone  I already felt the emptiness in my whole. We'd never see each other again. We had been so much. She was a big part of my life. She was the love of my life. I would never love anyone like that again. So much of her was me. I thought she was my soul mate. We let go of all of it. There is a feeling of betrayal. A feeling of disgust. A jealousy that takes over. I'd never look at her the same again. Everything she ever did from that day on would always make me suspicious. Jealousy would rule me. Jealousy should never rule anyone. If you can't trust the people in your life, friend or lover, you need to remove that person from your life. You have to remove that person out of your life. Trust, is the only gift we can offer. Friend, lover or stranger! People can trust me. My word is my bond. I let her go,  I really didn't have a choice I would never be the same again. She was gone. She had left a note. It said Sorry! Sorry! We both were. Maurice Yvonne 11~30~2014 Sponsor: Verlena S. Walker Contest Name: The Green-Eyed Monster 

Copyright © | Year Posted 2014

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Date: 6/14/2017 6:31:00 AM
A very nice poem, remember their isn t a grief bigger than whenever someone you loved with all your heart betrays you, you feel like your purpose of living has ended, however i have a poem " I shall never see you again " I wanted you to read it and tell me how you feel about it
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Date: 1/3/2015 8:40:00 AM
Interesting and fantastic write on the theme of jealousy, congrats on the win, Maurice
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Date: 1/3/2015 1:55:00 AM
Congrats on your fine win Maurice... huggs
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Date: 1/2/2015 11:28:00 PM
MAURICE, Congratulations on your win. Awesome "Green-Eyed Monster, poem." Love LINDA
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Date: 1/2/2015 7:38:00 PM
wow Maurice that about says it all sorry dude, hope your in a better place now as I feel you are.
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Date: 1/2/2015 4:41:00 PM
I feel the pain, I feel the anger but most of all I feel the helplessness. Maybe all the pain you have been through raised you to these heights. This is an amazingly brilliant write Armand. Congratulations on your win.
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Date: 1/2/2015 2:51:00 PM
am so pleased to see this one the winners list Armand - awesome write - congrats:-) hugs Jan xxx
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Date: 1/2/2015 2:40:00 PM
As a winner of my contest, I congratulate you! Verlena
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Date: 12/25/2014 8:38:00 PM
Well written, but I almost hate to read it, and I can't offer condolences.
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Date: 12/11/2014 9:38:00 AM
A 7 & FAV from me. I usually find people to be an aggravating disappointment, but then there are those rare finds. Those people, who have been burdened by many trials and pains, but yet, there essence remains kind and caring. I feel blessed to have found a few. I think you are one of these people, and I am glad you are here.
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Date: 12/11/2014 8:50:00 AM
This is amazing...amazingly heart wrenching #applause
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Date: 12/9/2014 2:30:00 PM
Wonderful descriptive write, sometimes is best to not say anything and walk away. There is something better out there for everyone if you can find it. Blessing to you my friend eve 7
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Date: 12/9/2014 9:58:00 AM
A very emotional write but the truth is there. No one has the right to hurt another even if that person would not know Love is supposed to be happy not hurtful and when you lose trust there can be no love. I know what you feel and hope you can over come the hurt. Depression is a strong emotion and my way to fight it is to be with people It gives relief for the time and helps to make one stronger Be happy, love again and enjoy life as it comes to you Blessings Edith
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Date: 12/2/2014 11:56:00 AM
This is a very open and honest write, Maurice. Admitting to a condition like depression is a step in the right direction; you know it's there and thus you can learn to live with it, even control it. // I admire your reaction to the bedroom scene...not an easy moment to handle. // Wish you all the best in life...glad to know that despite all you are relatively happy in life! // paul
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Date: 11/30/2014 6:23:00 PM
My heart aches for you, Maurice. I'm so sorry you had to go to hell and back. But you're back. Her loss. Your writing here was phenominal. Trust. .... once gone is forever gone. Sending you warm hugs. Depression is my companion too.
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Date: 11/30/2014 5:37:00 PM
This is truly an exceptional and masterful piece of writing. The rawness of emotion is moving. A deserved 7.
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Date: 11/30/2014 1:44:00 PM
Maurice, A perfect write as a Dramatic Monologue here my good friend. Such power, passion, and emotion -- and a tough decision at the end. A "7" Sir, and a FAV!! Best Wishes Always, Gary
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Date: 11/30/2014 8:26:00 AM
I remember reading this the first time Maurice and being overpowered by the emotion it stirred up in me the reader - and how you are baring your soul - we know so much more about you now my friend. brilliant for the contest - good luck! Hugs jan xx
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Date: 11/30/2014 6:52:00 AM
I remember reading this the first took me through your emotional rollercoaster... So good of a write...raw..heartfelt... I can feel with you....if you ever need someone to talk to or just vent to my ears are always open to listening.... Your friend Tim
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Date: 11/30/2014 6:25:00 AM
Maurice, the emotion is so raw, my initial reaction was to distance myself and not comment, feeling no matter what I say, and no matter how long it has been, nothing this reader will say can bring relief to such pain. However, the poem, and its writer, deserves to know that though it is the child of betrayal and jealousy, it nevertheless is so beautiful in its sadness. 7 and hugs! Kim Patrice
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