Yellow Is Here Black Is Waiting
"We are all mad here!"--Alice in Wonderland
Yellow is here! Everything is sunshine!
giddy, dizzy, silly, possibility!
happy, hopeful hilarity!
I bounce on a ball of joy
full of energy and passion!
I can do anything! I will do everything!
I laugh heartily! Tears flow, and I can’t breathe
from the laughing. I can’t stop laughing
and I don’t want to! ha ha ha!
I see your face, the disconnect, the side glance.
I watch you wonder if I’m ok.
'cause it wasn’t that funny. But I keep laughing,
until it leaves me. And I enjoy it completely,
every fading chuckle, because I know…
that the darkness is coming. The thick blackness
that settles over me suffocating me,
choking me, but not killing me, making me want to die.
But some primal survival mechanism
keeps me inhaling and exhaling.
I walk through my days carrying the heavy weight
of all that is wrong, or will be wrong,
of all I’ve done, or not done, or undone.
No peace found even in my dreams.
The dark presence stands over me and wakes me
just to make me cry, and I can’t escape myself.
It feels like I am bound in a sepulcher,
encased in something. I know it’s just my own body,
but I want to claw my way out!
I can’t breathe, or sleep, or stop breathing!
I will my heart to stop beating! but it goes on!
with its tormenting thumping!
I know THAT is what's coming...
So, for now I laugh and cry laughing!
I will ride this mania train as long as I can because…
black is waiting.
(* Written for "Brainstorm" contest but it filled up)
Copyright © P.S. Awtry | Year Posted 2018
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