Home » Poems » Jemilla Hibonne » Workshop Poem : I, Puppet

Workshop Poem : I, Puppet

BASH my skull in why don't you since you've bashed my heart in you've torn my soul from my body you spread it thin the shear taste of your humiliation leaves a sour taste in my mouth as you twisted my heart as ruined my mind BASH my head in why don't you BEND my body to your will I'm one of your puppets Cruel puppeteer your words mark my back, with bold words of ghostly shame. your words encase pain your words cuts through bones i display my scar as time only would sooth me as i patiently wait, for when The puppet, Masters the puppeteer

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Cyndi Macmillan

Date: 6/10/2015 3:40:00 PM

Hi Jemilla, the workshop is locked, but not fully closed. I am allowing another week to ensure that all participants have used the links (either on my blog or on the winners page) to help their fellow participants by giving feedback to them. Hopefully, more participants will drop by your page, soon, and provide more feedback. Thank you, Cyndi PS Please drop by my blog when you can.

Skat A

Date: 6/9/2015 11:52:00 PM

Jemilla, :) congrats on your workshop poem

Cyndi Macmillan

Date: 5/8/2015 5:04:00 AM

An interesting poem with real depth to it, solid imagery, visceral, I like the line breaks. I don't think the capital letters are needed-- the reader feels your anger and pain without the uppercase stress. I would take out "in" lines 1, 2, 9. Line 1, Bash my skull, why don't you Line 2, since you've pulverized my heart, Line 3 torn Line 5, a comma ", humiliation. Line 13, mark no s, not marks Line 15, your words encase (no s) pain If using a lowercase i instead of I, I'd keep it consistent.

Jemilla Hibonne
Date: 5/8/2015 6:05:00 AM

thank you for your input. its been greatly appreciated.

Cyndi Macmillan
Date: 5/8/2015 5:05:00 AM

I did a poem with a similar theme of Master and servant, You and i, so I do understand the intent of a lowercase i.

Casarah Nance

Date: 2/23/2015 7:56:00 AM

Intense, many of us know how to be both the puppet and the puppeteer. I like visual images in my poetry and you posses nice ones with the "sheer taste of humiliation" "bold words of ghostly shame" if the rest of your poems are as intriguing I am sure to enjoy your writes. :)

Jemilla Hibonne
Date: 3/9/2015 5:03:00 AM

thanks. i hope you like the rest.