Withering In the Wilderness

I persuaded myself to sleep last night “it’s good to be alone”. Why it felt like a deja vu, I have no clue. Wait, I recall those words. I told myself same the day you chose his certitude over a stroll with me in the wilderness Or so I thought. Now I’ve become an obdurate liar. So much so that I believe what I say. But you shouldn’t darling, lest I fall into oblivion. I’m doing just fine without you. There, I lied again. This lie is new, but the feeling is same Because my heart is deaf to the rantings of my thoughts, as if to punish me for loving you. When you said goodbye that night, aboard the train going where your love is appreciated. I knew all you wanted to hear was ‘don’t go darling’. But indecision was my decision. Split between having something to hold on to and having nothing to hold me back. But as I go down this quicksand, I wish I had chosen the former.