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With Feigned Apologies

I wrote what I thought was a 'poem' some years ago,
but it lacked rhythm, rhyme, and had no smooth flow.
Its imagery was blurry, and it filled my heart with grief
to read the overdose of alliteration, so far beyond belief.

To be quite blunt, it was a freakin, fricken, flippen flop.
I was distraught reading what I'd written and had to stop.
"W T F W T?" I shouted at myself in complete disgust!
Had I just said that aloud? Was I so irked that I'd cussed?

The vibrato pulsing in my voice shook the high bookshelf,
and on the floor fell the pimp... the spying Christmas elf!
"Stay there you lil bugger!" I yelled down at him. "You suck!!"
I could've sworn he made a mental note for Santa. W T F?

Threw him in the trash. With greasy, yucky stuff he went.
I sat at my keyboard, deciding time would be better spent
in writing poetry that would supersede that piece of crap.
I wanted to clear myself of fault and put on my thinking cap.

The first line read, "My muse is older, and I should scold her..."
But I heard a loud gasp and felt a hard punch on my shoulder.
Atop my head she beat me with a broom!, Yes, I was struck
from behind. I saw blind fury in her eyes and yelled, "W T F?"

Copyright © Lin Lane | Year Posted 2023

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Mark Koplin Date: 12/7/2023 8:19:00 AM I’m so sorry I missed this gem. Congratulations on your POTD! I’ve been walloped by mine many times. Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/7/2023 8:58:00 AM LOL Mark. You didn't miss it. You just found it! It's ok. I don't really have a muse, so if I'm not writing it's because I'm busy. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Terry Flood Date: 12/4/2023 10:54:00 AM Beaten up by your own muse… now that’s no kind of fair. Gave me a grin though and it gave you POTD so all’s well that ends well. Congrats on the honour, Lin. Well done. Terry Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/4/2023 11:08:00 AM Yep, and thank you, Terry. Love your Shakespeare reference, and to that I must agree. I felt a titch concerned about this one, but I wanted to write for John. C'est la vie!

Jan Allison Date: 12/3/2023 4:04:00 PM ha ha ha I sure needed a giggle and finding your hilarious poem has made my night Lin, many congrats on POTD:-) hugs Jan xx Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:10:00 PM Giggle away, Jan. I’m pleased to make you happy. Thanks.

Anne-Lise Andresen Date: 12/3/2023 1:05:00 PM - Congratulations on fun p,o,t,d,, Lin :) - hugs Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:08:00 PM Thank you very much, Anne-Lise.

Indiana Shaw Date: 12/3/2023 12:38:00 PM Ha, ha, ha, poetry is indeed a funny journey, and you nailed it with this poem, cheers Lin, for the laugh . . . : ) Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 2:56:00 PM Glad to have brought laughter to your day!! Thanks for reading and leaving your remarks.

Sotto Poet Date: 12/3/2023 12:25:00 PM Lin, this is fantastic! I adore your creativity and sense of humor! great imagery... Congratulations on POTD! Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 2:54:00 PM Hi Lasaad. Your compliments and those of all my friends here are so supportive. Thanks so much.

Joseph May Date: 12/3/2023 7:34:00 AM Haha, Hilarious Lin, Congrats on POTD Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 8:18:00 AM Thanks for finding the humor in these lines, Joseph.

Susan Lawrence Date: 12/3/2023 6:54:00 AM Hysterical Lin ! I love your imagination and humor ! I saw a lot of great imagery as I was laughing! Congratulations on POTD ! Susan :) Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 8:21:00 AM I’m grateful that you and so many others see it was written with the best of intentions for John’s contest. If there’s anyone frowning with disdain, I’ll blame it on Johnny Rebel… I mean Lawless. ;-)

Linda Alice Fowler Date: 12/3/2023 6:03:00 AM Still laughing Lin...the li'l creatures running amok in your house. If ever you need help, give a shout. Congratulations on the honor of POTD with this unique and creative poem!! :) Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 8:22:00 AM I admit I laughed at the pimping elf line. Thank you.

Paula Goldsmith Date: 12/3/2023 5:47:00 AM Congratulations on your POTD win. Love your fun/creative Rhyme write. Watch out for those Christmas elves, they will get you every time. This is way toooooooo funny. Thanks for the laugh. Good Luck... Have a wonderful day with your win.................. Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 11:40:00 AM Thanks ever so much, Paula.

Beryl Edmonds Date: 12/3/2023 4:54:00 AM Hilarious Lin, congratulations on poem of the day… Belle Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 11:38:00 AM Thank ya, Ma’am. Hugs.

Charles Messina Date: 12/3/2023 4:53:00 AM Very cute and fun read, Lin. I love the humor. Congratulations on POTD! Hugs Charlie Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 11:38:00 AM Thank you very much, Charlie.

Deb M Date: 12/3/2023 4:31:00 AM WTF Lin you got POTD!! Haha…..Congratulations Lin for a well deserved POTD…..love the humour and naughtiness of your poem….he put a huge smile on my dial!!Ha…..Debx Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:45:00 AM LOL Deb. I don’t have to worry about being on Santa’s naughty list. I’ve already received two very special gifts this year. Thanks so much for your congrats.

Daniel Turner Date: 12/3/2023 3:44:00 AM I might have moved out, elves and muses would be too crowded. LOL Very funny Lin. Congratulations on POTD and thanks for the chuckle. Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:42:00 AM My house… I’m not giving it up! Lol thank you and I’m glad it made you chuckle, Danny.

Tania Kitchin Date: 12/3/2023 3:32:00 AM Lin, I enjoyed your funny poem, congratulations on POTD! Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:41:00 AM Thanks a lot for the congratulations, Tania.

Karen Jones Date: 12/3/2023 2:04:00 AM Lol. A fun potd congratulations Lin! I think we all can relate to finding old work and thinking wtf! Enjoyed! Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:39:00 AM Thanks, Karen. I’ve often read some of my old poems and wondered, “What was I thinking?”

Clive Culverhouse Date: 12/3/2023 1:56:00 AM Sounds like some of my poetry too haha, congratulations on POTD for this humorous write, Lin Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:37:00 AM Ha ha, Clive. Then I will definitely be over to read more of your poetry. Thank you.

Christina Bowring Date: 12/3/2023 1:36:00 AM Back to say many congratulations on POTD dear Lin. I loved the creative thoughts with this write. Enjoy your celebratory Sunday. Hugs and smiles :):) Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:36:00 AM I’m happy you’re back, Christina. Thanks so much! It was a little too much fun to write this one.

Tom Cunningham Date: 12/3/2023 12:32:00 AM Back with big congratulations Lin on a well deserved honour of POTD. Enjoy your day. Tom Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:30:00 AM Our town crier, heralding good news. Aww thanks for being first to comment and first with offering congrats.

Christina Bowring Date: 12/2/2023 7:39:00 AM I like this dear Lin. It is well written and I found it very amusing. I chuckled at the alliteration line especially. Very clever! It brightened up a foggy afternoon! Good luck in the contest. Thank you for putting a big smile on my face. I’m sending lots back to you with a hug xx :):):) Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/3/2023 4:28:00 AM Thanks for the smiles, Christina. We can never get too many of them… and hugs. I hope today is not gloomy and foggy for you.

Jeff Connelly Date: 12/1/2023 6:23:00 PM I thought it was the Wednesday Thursday Friday What Then contest, but you did it proper Lin :) Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/1/2023 6:44:00 PM I tried to be proper. Not sure I was, but thanks for saying it was ok.

Jerry Brotherton Date: 12/1/2023 11:19:00 AM A wonderful bit of humor for the Holidays, my friend. Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/1/2023 1:43:00 PM Thank you lots, Jerry.

Tom Cunningham Date: 12/1/2023 10:10:00 AM I found great humour in your verse Lin. Good luck in the contest. Tom Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 12/1/2023 10:24:00 AM As 'twas meant to be taken. Thank you for recognizing that, Tom.