Will wonders never cease!?

Will wonders never cease!? Alternately titled: Last of the fluff belonging to a Mohican Norwegian bachelor farmer wannabe. Any resemblance between said unnamed individual and living persons purely coincidental. Scads of decades back in the day, not since this sexagenarian baby boomer happened to be approximately three and a half decades deep, into his freshman year at college, the word haircut just re:entered his vocabulary at the expense of unfairly subjecting innocent bystanders slipping and sliding along oil slicks dripping off the bedraggled locks of mein haar (veritable strangers in a strange land - plus medical practitioners such as: optometrist, otolaryngologists, internists, et cetera) wore latex gloves when their hands forced to make contact with living and breathing biohazard namely videre licet greasy critter infested hair (essentially a near microscopic ecosystem -) thriving amidst primordial ooze property of one long haired pencil necked geek, who rode into the quaint town (that time forgot and the years could not improve) tied up his trusty horse at Salon Nova LLC 377 W Ridge Pike A, Limerick, PA 19468. Upon entering aforementioned beautician promoting being pampered establishment out there on the prairie immediately spelled home companion, yours truly (me) received a warm welcome from Jessamine McKeown. I unhesitatingly, gingerly, and excitedly sat in the comfortable barber chair, and let the technician affix the plastic drape after which she brushed my somewhat tangled hair, (vowing not to wince), cuz I bristled with some discomfort since straggly, ratty, nippy, nap, noopy, drippy, drap droopy, limp locks of time rarely saw the teeth of a comb cuz yours truly became negligent regarding grooming, which absent attention to self fell by the wayside around middle school age after my mother forced me to take a bath no matter the time fast approaching bewitching hour, and yours truly (me) vowed on a stack of Revised English Version of the Bible translated from a biblical Unitarian perspective to neglect hygiene - think passive aggressive behaviour, which did stand me in good stead, when in the midst of fellow Neanderthals within the realm of the twilight zone signaling the outer limits of proto *****sapiens civilizations where dark shadows linkedin to the allegory of the caves far from the madding crowd unsuspecting tribal simians guffawing at a photograph taken early/mid July of ninety ninety six, which did recaptcha for an ephemeral timeless moment, a youthful shirtless young man a proud grown boy revealing his hairless washboard stomach smiling without a care in the world and counting himself the luckiest guy in the webbed wide world, cuz a beautiful babe would become the mother of his firstborn about five months thence unknowingly imposing the impetus of impending selfless responsibilities necessary to quell unhappy infant. Offtimes our bundle of joy inconsolable and presented an impossible mission to pacify, exhausting both of us birth parents and interestingly enough an unexpected turn of events can be iterated in retrospect of my life and hard times, whereby the author of these words (and proud papa of either daughter, one youngest offspring necessitated receiving modified Individualized Education Program (IEP), attributed to developmental (cognitive) delays, whereas the eldest gifted as exceptionally intelligent progeny and a potential candidate for Mensa so different from yours truly (me), who foundered at various crossroads of his life, ever since day one and felt like veritable pariah, not necessarily being called enfant terrible nor ragamuffin to his face but transition from boyhood to puberty triggered quiet protestations to comply with established standards mainly concerning cleanliness once riot of hormones unleashed an emotional tsunami attendant with secretion of body odor atavistic characteristics to attract a mate.