Robert Schatz Poet Free verse

Why I stopped going to Denny's

It's because of the bacon.

Yeah, it looks good on the menu, sitting there at the rim of the plate. Glistening. Archetypally ridged and ruffled. Positioned perfectly next to the eggs over easy, the pancakes, buxom and buttered, the sausage links, dwarfed but respectable.

Net, the Grand Slam holds its own. At $5.99 ($7.99 in select areas), it's still a bargain. The eggs are fine. The pancakes are as good as any. The sausage links are, you know, OK.

But the bacon... The bacon b-a-con. A swindle, a masquerade, a false promise, a double-cross, tissue-thin, gossamer, anorexic, nervous (nervosa in Spanish), frail, skittish, fragile, and afraid. Overcooked, ipso brittle, short crust, and crumbling. Try to cut a slice, and "snap-chink!" Chips fly everywhere. The knife (if you use one) smacks the porcelain. The fork is stunned, helpless; its tines useless as the spoon.

"Crack!" Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't mean to do that. Do you want me to brush it off your plate? Hey, a little piece went in your salad, a bacon bit. Do you like bacon bits? I think they're good. And there're not usually made of real bacon."

What are you gonna do with your eggs now? The Grand Slam doesn't come with toast. Everybody's looking at you, waiting to see your next move. "Yeah, I like to mix eggs with my pancakes. You don't do that sometimes? Really? It's good. You want a bite? No? OK..."

It's not the cook's fault. What's he supposed to do? He can barely see the damn things on the grill. Can't blame the waitress or the shift manager. The pigs are probably regular size. You can't expect the stock holders to take up pitchforks. What do you want for $5.99 ($7.99 in select areas)?

That's why I stopped going to Denny's.

Note: The person who lived next store to me growing up invented bacon bits for McCormick. True story.

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Karen Jones April 12, 2025 at 6:15 AM lol. Loved the humor and really? I’m a new vegetarian who loves McCormick bacon bits! Yum! Enjoyed your poem!

Robert Schatz March 18, 2024 at 11:16 PM Thank you. Thank you Susan! What a great claim to fame...Inventing bacon bits. But not with real bacon.

Susan Ashley March 8, 2024 at 7:56 AM Dear Robert, I enjoyed the wry humor and animated imagery of this fantastic poem. I especially admire the whole third stanza.. your mocking description of "bacon b-a-con" was awesome! "A swindle, a masquerade, a false promise, a double-cross, tissue-thin, gossamer, anorexic, nervous (nervosa in Spanish), frail, skittish, fragile, and afraid" Haha! Love it! The whole poem was brilliantly and creatively expressed and had me engaged with and delighted by your verse from start to finish! Warmest wishes, my poet friend.. ~Susan -P.S. Your poet's note about bacon bits is amazing!

Andrea Dietrich March 5, 2024 at 12:53 PM Are you in the U.S? Everyone I know picks up the bacon to eat it by hand. I love it crisp!! Hate it any other way. Denny's is my favorite of the "cheap" sit down restuarants. May it ever endure!! Meanwhile McDonald's is becoming a huge joke for what you get for your money. I enjoy foodie poems. GREAT writing here, Robert Schatz March 5, 2024 at 4:59 PM Forgot to answer your question. Yes, I'm in the US: Denver, CO Robert Schatz March 5, 2024 at 4:38 PM You don't eat the bacon with the eggs? What do you do with the eggs? I'm pro Denny's overall; may it ever endure (with a hearty bacon option for $1.99). As always, I so appreciate you reading and commenting on my stuff Andrea. Cheers!

Beryl Edmonds February 27, 2024 at 12:37 PM Robert, for the equivalent of £4.92 - I would cook a full English breakfast for you, and the bacon would be just right too. Enjoyed the read… Beryl Robert Schatz February 27, 2024 at 4:13 PM I would love thatr. £6.92 in select areas?

Hilda Greenhough February 26, 2024 at 9:45 PM I like this one a lot. I found out that restaurants have a choice in purchasing better and best lots in ascending order. Some restaurants and markets raise the price, as though it is the better, but choose the lesser. More profit. Maybe try IHOP Robert Schatz February 26, 2024 at 11:10 PM IHOP does have better bacon.