Why I Do Not Play Poker

I do not play poker for an obvious reason. My face is a mirror. You can see through it to your own happy face. Knowing every card I have by my expressions. I have one of those foreheads that starts blinking “Queen of Hearts” as soon as I draw it. If you look at my nose, my freckles will rearrange themselves spelling “full house”. When I get a straight my mouth flops open and I cannot stop grinning with a lop-sided smile reserved only during poker playing, and only for straights. In seconds, the vultures know I have one. Anyone who has ever played poker with me is dying to play with me again. My tells are not my tells. They are everyone else’s tells. They want to play me again and again. Fun for everyone except me. I am getting wild hiccups now. A sure sign that I have a royal flush. The entire room begins to laugh.