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why can't I be more like you

dear sister,

if I was more like you, I’d fight for your 
memory,
cascade waves in oceans in honor of you-
maybe thoughts of your final farewell flood 
through my mind because of how you left;
what happened after we spoke leaves my
lungs empty and my veins bled dry-
for yes, my sweet sister, 
            I’d fight for your memory…
                            if I was more like you

you knew not your plan would leave me
restless; year after year, seasons changing
slowly as I try to change what the world
thinks of you,
a weight too much to bear sometimes-
I bring sights of your smile at gatherings, 
speak in honor of you (as if I were you)
hoping everyone could see you as I do…
     (strong as ore, soft as snow)

so I decided to go to the site where you
took your final breath, hoping to reach
you once more-
(dreams don’t embrace like they used to)
surprised my eyes were when I came to
the bench we have in honor of you!
stuffed animals, trinkets, deflated balloons,
letters sealed in plastic so they don’t weather;
I lay orange stargazers down under the
pine tree and I left a laminated poem and 
say a prayer of thanksgiving

          for signs did awake-
          angels did not forsake

I saw a sight of wonder and finally realized
I have fought for your memory after all-
for if not, then there would not be all this
affection for you;
as I drive by your site and see the white
cross almost half mile away,
I think of how you were until you weren’t
you anymore
but I know deep down I must see lilies 
when I think of you, 
make angels in the snow in winter;
plant lilies in my garden in spring
      (just to be near you, my sister)

“many remember you as weak in the end,
      they hold onto sights of you weeping,
             while I wear your bracelet for safekeeping, 
                    always wishing your heart I could mend"
 

                                                                           (Love U)


317 words
August 8, 2019
Caren Krutsinger

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




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Date: 9/13/2019 7:56:00 PM
A beautiful verse to your sister...may your heart be lifted of it's weight through your words and deeds. Congrats on a beautiful win.
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Date: 9/11/2019 3:47:00 PM
A truly sublime poem! No surprise it won you first place, Luloo:-) Heartiest congratulations!
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Date: 9/11/2019 9:17:00 AM
What a beautiful poem filled with so much love. Don’t feel guilty about letting go ~ her memory will find you when the time is right :)
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Date: 9/11/2019 8:18:00 AM
This is great congrats on your win. Hugs Rick.
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Date: 9/11/2019 7:52:00 AM
Back with much well deserved congrats, Lu Loo.
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Date: 9/11/2019 3:42:00 AM
See knew you would win!;) congrats!;)
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Lu Loo
Date: 9/11/2019 7:27:00 AM
aww thanks for coming back lovely Brenda :)-luloo
Date: 9/10/2019 12:05:00 AM
It touched every nerve of mine. A beautifully written verse. :)
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Lu Loo
Date: 9/11/2019 7:27:00 AM
thank you dear Swetha, appreciate your comment :)-luloo
Date: 9/9/2019 2:56:00 PM
Wow this was a gorgeous write! Truly amazing!;)
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Lu Loo
Date: 9/11/2019 7:26:00 AM
thank you sweet Brenda :) My pretty sign girl :)-luloo
Date: 9/9/2019 9:07:00 AM
Very well crafted my friend...emotive write Lu...may you find solace...^WW^ :o)
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Lu Loo
Date: 9/11/2019 7:26:00 AM
thank you dear WW :)-luloo
Date: 9/8/2019 5:40:00 PM
A most beautiful and emotional write, Lu Loo.Superbly touching. Love.
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Lu Loo
Date: 9/11/2019 7:25:00 AM
thank you lovely Line :)-luloo
Date: 9/8/2019 5:34:00 PM
This beautifully written emotion is more proof that you actively keep your sister's memory alive, how many poems show she is always with you? No sister has more poems of love for them. You know, it also proves what I heard recently, that suicide is selfish; she had no idea, I'm sure, of what her death cost you. For that, there's only forgiveness. She's was more God's child than your sister, try to see her journey as between them; separate & above the love y'all shared. Great write, heal.. HUG
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Lu Loo
Date: 9/11/2019 7:25:00 AM
thank you sweet CayCay, yes many poems about her. As yo can tell her tragic death still haunts me daily. But I have found some forgiveness thankfully. It's just so hard to let go of. thank you again :)-luloo