Why

I can't love nobody until I love myself. So I let a "good thing" go. Is that selfish? Is it good.? Because I'm really confused. I've never had this problem before. But I guess I never had a chance anyway, so why am I worried. I can't miss something that I didn't have, right? So why am I crying? Why does this hurt me this much? Why now, when I should care less? I didn't care when I was losing that "good thing"? So why now? It hurts so bad. I don't like this feeling at all! It's painful, it's empty, full of hopelessness. But I still ask why now? Why does it hurt me to even think about it? I let that "good thing" go, I just let it leave me, I didn't even put up a fight.. Why is my love so complicated? Why do I love that "good thing" with all my heart but I just let it go. Watched it leave me slowly and didn't try to stop it. So I ask why now do I care.? It's gone now, I can't get it back. But I didn't have it, so why am I hurting? I can't miss something I didn't have!!! Or did I have it but didn't notice?? Because I loved but didn't show it, I could of had it but didn't get it, so why does it hurts?? Because I loved but wasn't loved back. No it was because I was afraid of rejection. Afraid of love. My love is too deep to be given, to have, to love. That's why I hurt so bad, because of what I could of had is gone because I was scared, terrified of the fact that I, Jazzmine Ja'Vonn Porter, was in love. For the first time. But I just couldn't take the dreams, I would have of that "good thing". They were too much for me to handle! I didn't have the time to love, think, talk, or dream of that "good thing". So I let it go.? Does that make any sense? I had opportunities, but I just turned them down for no reason. I loved that "good thing". But let it go. What's wrong with me? It's gone now, I have no more chances, I can't get it back, It's beyond late to do anything..