Why

Why must we complicate life when it’s already so complicated? Why must I do this to myself? I don’t know the answer to these questions yet and I hoped by writing all this down, it would help me get to the conclusion that everyone has been waiting for; Why? Instead, I’m now realizing that there’s an even bigger question. Why don’t I ever want to help myself? I keep sinking yet I don’t shake off my shackles that hold me. These shackles are heavily weighted with doubt and questions that force me to the bottom of the never-ending pit. I’ve always had the key to release me but I’ve convinced myself that I do not have the mental capacity to apply it. If only I would use it. If only I stopped making excuses and putting it off. If I did, I could then start swimming to the top. To the surface. The surface that has been shown to me many times before. The surface that I thought I wanted. The surface that I thought would end all my suffering. And maybe, just maybe, if I reach the top of the water, I may just find land.