Where Did I Go Wrong?

To a "Friend", I still love if you hear my whisper, I'll be waiting The innocence that moistened your eyes small fingers that cradled mine long nights and quiet stares conversations that lasted for hours Gentle winds can be so scorching aftermath of a great storm settling we drift so slowly…pulling and tugging reaching and groaning, in vain Thrilling times of you so close next to me, these raging emotions tossing and turning, wondering and screaming all in my head, and yet I speak plain words You told me love is a burden and I told you to reconsider Those words we exchanged so long at night I held them so close, too close until they blinded me Back and forth I went jumping and falling and hurting the sadistic cycle that kept me in motion rupturing myself surreptitiously And yet, the pain was so sweet false pleasure that assured me peace every moment, every waking hour your face pulsed throughout my thoughts A curse, a sin, it is for me, of all people, to love For so long, I saw myself in mirrors an idea so stubborn that no one could love me Friends, we were you guaranteed me, it was true but once the bucket was tilted, everything poured out Oceans, seas, rivers…drowning in these sensations Days passed and I reconciled my inner hurricanes A perfect adolescent with bright eyes and smile nothing changed outwardly, but I was messy disheveled on the inside but no one was the wiser A roller coaster at a sudden stop I asked you, “Do you love me?” Completely out of context, completely out of character and yet you replied, “No.”