When the Heart Breaks

My heart breaks so readily nowadays-- at hearing of the sudden death of a friend or witnessing the slow death of another. My heart is wrenched to see dementia in my lovely neighbor with her lovely English accent, and the 'Oh my dears', knowing her sparkling voice might soon be stilled as she moves slowly and irretrievably back into childhood.... I want to ask God the why, the why not of this part of His Grand Design--but I know there will be no answer--though maybe I already have a partial answer: for when I was young and selfish (and perhaps even callous), my heart did not see, my heart did not hear, my heart knew neither longing nor joy-- it was as though my heart were dead, unfeeling, unresponsive... and fearful, oh, so very fearful... Now my heart lives and breathes and feels pain and loss and joy: oh, the joy! The joy that comes on seeing a friend, on hearing my wife call out to me, or a sonata I have loved for sixty years. The joy of feeling the sun's heat whilst walking under the deepest blue sky and breathing in cool air, breathing in life.... Is that what God wanted all along, that I unclothe my heart and bear it naked to the world, in hope and love?