What Now?

My tortoise shell smells sour still-
no bracing wind here pricks my eyes;
no fake hellos or how are yous;
no one to tell me what I'm not.

My cell's walls harder than an oyster's case.
    Girl, child, vile, ****.
    Be ashamed, oh be ashamed.
    So young and you disgust me still.
Permanent state of affairs.

The baby steps soon come undone.
    Blood I cry for, blood I want
Too hurt inside to close my eyes,
    Each small betrayal pierces me-
The human condition.

Don't want to live, don't want to die,
don't want to laugh, can't bear to cry-
The human condition, depression, condition.

Can't bear for him to think he's won
but that's no reason to overcome.
Can't bear to live, too scared to die.
Wish I had the guts to die.

Haven't I been punished enough?
What, pray, was my crime?

AHA! I want to disappear!
You'd never guess that I was here.
Screw them! It's not their bag of pain;
Not their life's work out in the rain,
Never want to wake up again
The Lady of Shalott.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2006

Poem

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Book: Diverse Voices: The Poetry of Human Rights and the Pursuit of Peace