What Now?

My tortoise shell smells sour still- no bracing wind here pricks my eyes; no fake hellos or how are yous; no one to tell me what I'm not. My cell's walls harder than an oyster's case. Girl, child, vile, ****. Be ashamed, oh be ashamed. So young and you disgust me still. Permanent state of affairs. The baby steps soon come undone. Blood I cry for, blood I want Too hurt inside to close my eyes, Each small betrayal pierces me- The human condition. Don't want to live, don't want to die, don't want to laugh, can't bear to cry- The human condition, depression, condition. Can't bear for him to think he's won but that's no reason to overcome. Can't bear to live, too scared to die. Wish I had the guts to die. Haven't I been punished enough? What, pray, was my crime? AHA! I want to disappear! You'd never guess that I was here. Screw them! It's not their bag of pain; Not their life's work out in the rain, Never want to wake up again The Lady of Shalott.