What My Eyes See

I was equally blessed & proud to see One good and pure thing that came from me. One gaze of the bluest eyes and I fell apart And had a life long gap filled in my heart. One certainty is that when ever Alex smiled The best part of me lived now in my child. Another fact that became so sadly clear Nothing was normal about his time here. Who can say what was worse or isn't fair? To be born sick or without daddy there? I won't ever forgive myself or forget That you were six months old before we met. It's not daddy's fault but it hurts just the same How you were hidden and without my name. I should've done more than my best to provide You with one good thing that wasn't denied. I asked God to never let one thing come true. That you'd not suffer with age as you grew. What is called normal by nearly anyone Would take a true miracle for my son. I begged God to give me all of your pain Until relief and strength at last you gain. I said soon enough we'd be done with tears And live only more and more happy years. But the fact remains that the worst came true And my son died before he even turned two. I was not there again to spare you from My worst nightmare I hoped would never come I wish there was one time or word you spoke. Instead my heart, mind and soul all but broke. I feel we were cheated if I'm being mild. I hate myself for not helping my child. I wish that this hurt was just day to day. That for one moment it would go away. I cannot forgive myself and ignore I lost my son who I'd done nothing for. I miss you so much and feel only shame That you weren't even given my last name. I'm not ok or hopeful to feel the joy Of seeing life fulfilled without my boy. I won't lose sight of you in eternal grace As you took nothing with you from this place Know you've managed to give my soul relief As you soar with angels above any grief One day soon again I know that I'll see My baby boys eyes so blue and Heavenly