Van Gogh Self Portrait

I catch myself sometimes almost wonder who I am like when a word suddenly doesn't make sense it's familiar but wrong when did I age? I'm looking out from too far away eyes I need drawing back every speckle is represented but dimensions lose a layer no matter what, I can't paint it in the sun catches me, catches the wall it's as if the wall caught me made a portrait of me how can a wall have depth? when I regress? the torture of capturing lines as the sun doesn't fall on my face just on the canvas and at my back I'm locked eyes with too much of myself images of mirror images meant to be fleeting lost in the glass caught in the paint