Unsettling Feeling of Morbidity

Spent an hour on **** Deep inside, I am torn I feel mind-controlled again Wondering where you been... Reality is so unsettling...dispelling Fantasy is where I'm truly dwelling My conscience is empty No one cares apparently Sex with you was something I didn't want The voices in my head, they seem to haunt Can't remember most of my past since forever At least we'll be with each other, unlike any other I've been bombarded with such bad news I'm overwhelmed due to the bipolar blues Hearing people dying all around me is sickening beyond belief God, we all need relief...it's beyond our radiant reef - it will shed me some delicious positivity like the aftermath of eating organic beef I'm unpredictable I'm manic as usual I'm bizarre and strange on a different page Trapped in my lonely, mentally-unstable cage I'm sensitive But, I will live Believe in me, Lord, I know I am screwed, blind and delusional I'm trying, despite feeling so bored out of my mind, in appall It's unbelievable The lies covered the truth It's inconceivable That I am in a vacant booth I'm scared Unprepared Got me thinking what lies ahead... Instead, I will not feel high dread Got me thinking I should be dead I survived I'm alive Who have I become? Am I dumb? It feels so awfully unsettling like I'm going insane...I am not sane It creeps me out to be so numb De ja vus sting my brain...praying to cease and ease the pain I'm mad and I admit it entirely God, please mend me immediately I am addicted to sex and I don't know why I am inflicting myself with pain I can't deny I've dealt with this battle of addiction For a long period of time, so sorry about that I got horrified by the fact that reality isn't fantasy or fiction I've been tainted with tribulation, acting like a brat I'm oh so morbid That's why I hid The goodbyes you bid Bud, they still remain inside and outside me...I am not a kid Anymore Anyways..I'm in a craze God is merciful and will forgive me alright If I change my ways God, mend my worthless, scratched-up wings of flight tonight Okay...no more... I'm so morbid in my own den Please don't molest me again... Living in fear I need cheer It's all my fault For being in his occult I need to praise you and have joy I don't want to be ths helpless boy... Do you hear my whispers, Lord? When You're here, I don't get bored Voices in my head say: 'Do it' all night and day I shouldn't have said yes I shouldn't have said yes I shouldn't have said yes Sorry...these subjects are unsettling Bring me the horizon of hope, God My only plea is to be Your everything I nod off and get terrified...I just nod I'm confused Not at all amused You kept sexually Assaulting me Now, I shed tears from the inside I am so strong inside and outside I'm ashamed and guilty forevermore Give me positivity to the core.. God, I know you don't ignore What am I truly waiting for? I am sick in the brain I apologize for being me Shame on me again I'm alright with my recovery Do it... Just do it Say that you're sorry For hurting me badly I blame my episodes due to my condition I wish I could cut myself in pieces I have lost confidence, joy and ambition Please wipe away my abominations, Jesus