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Spent an hour on porn
Deep inside, I am torn
I feel mind-controlled again
Wondering where you been...

Reality is so unsettling...dispelling 
Fantasy is where I'm truly dwelling
My conscience is empty
No one cares apparently 

Sex with you was something I didn't want
The voices in my head, they seem to haunt
Can't remember most of my past since forever
At least we'll be with each other, unlike any other

I've been bombarded with such bad news
I'm overwhelmed due to the bipolar blues
Hearing people dying all around me is sickening beyond belief
God, we all need relief...it's beyond our radiant reef - it will shed me some delicious positivity like the aftermath of eating organic beef 

I'm unpredictable 
I'm manic as usual
I'm bizarre and strange on a different page
Trapped in my lonely, mentally-unstable cage 

I'm sensitive 
But, I will live
Believe in me, Lord, I know I am screwed, blind and delusional 
I'm trying, despite feeling so bored out of my mind, in appall 

It's unbelievable 
The lies covered the truth 
It's inconceivable 
That I am in a vacant booth

I'm scared
Unprepared 
Got me thinking what lies ahead...
Instead, I will not feel high dread
Got me thinking I should be dead
I survived
I'm alive

Who have I become? Am I dumb?
It feels so awfully unsettling like I'm going insane...I am not sane 
It creeps me out to be so numb
De ja vus sting my brain...praying to cease and ease the pain 

I'm mad and I admit it entirely
God, please mend me immediately 
I am addicted to sex and I don't know why
I am inflicting myself with pain I can't deny

I've dealt with this battle of addiction
For a long period of time, so sorry about that 
I got horrified by the fact that reality isn't fantasy or fiction 
I've been tainted with tribulation, acting like a brat 

I'm oh so morbid 
That's why I hid
The goodbyes you bid
Bud, they still remain inside and outside me...I am not a kid Anymore 
Anyways..I'm in a craze 
God is merciful and will forgive me alright
If I change my ways
God, mend my worthless, scratched-up wings of flight tonight
Okay...no more...

I'm so morbid in my own den 
Please don't molest me again...
Living in fear
I need cheer 

It's all my fault
For being in his occult
I need to praise you and have joy
I don't want to be ths helpless boy...

Do you hear my whispers, Lord?
When You're here, I don't get bored 
Voices in my head say:
'Do it' all night and day 

I shouldn't have said yes

I shouldn't have said yes

I shouldn't have said yes

Sorry...these subjects are unsettling
Bring me the horizon of hope, God
My only plea is to be Your everything 
I nod off and get terrified...I just nod 

I'm confused
Not at all amused
You kept sexually 
Assaulting me

Now, I shed tears from the inside
I am so strong inside and outside 
I'm ashamed and guilty forevermore 
Give me positivity to the core..
God, I know you don't ignore
What am I truly waiting for? 

I am sick in the brain
I apologize for being me
Shame on me again
I'm alright with my recovery 

Do it...
Just do it
Say that you're sorry
For hurting me badly

I blame my episodes due to my condition 
I wish I could cut myself in pieces 
I have lost confidence, joy and ambition 
Please wipe away my abominations, Jesus
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