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Unbroken Reconciliation

18-12-1922. 22-12-2018 A date of birth. A date of rebirth A male child. A female child Tenth in line. Third then first Dead. or. Alive. There was no reconciliation then- No way I wanted to speak to you It seemed right and safe then to war with my genesis- Son begat son, Yet I was a daughter. To you an entity misplaced in being a beginning The origin of your descent into a hopeless future. The twin boys had died- Not your fault, not mine- leaving to me their inheritance- You. My Progenitor. A male. A father. A lost boy to a father lost. December life and death. You were born and died in this month Four years on Your ashes and thigh bones, bits and pieces of you. My ancestral flesh and bone, flung floating over Draken's spine. The range you sought to roam was never an escape... You took me up the chain ladder strapped to my mother's back with a blanket I was six weeks old. I felt nothing then, your mountains in my blood. Born to climb behind you, your mind in my memories. I chased your reticence, back- broken history. Wild child to your wild Man. Ten years on. I broke through your dark clouds. Cloaked in ambiguity, Hate was angry love in denial- A need to appeal frustrated Appeasement aborted. Case closed. Thrown out of court- We were both imprisoned in Broken. Dead and Very Much Alive. Lost hope of acceptance. Accepted. A daughter thrown forward, incompatible with your resolve to quarrel with your quarrelsome past. Today is a day of reckoning with your quota. Those lost in time wars of yours. You couldn't make it across the line "compos mentis." And I was only angry not being able to get close to you- the father and first man of my life So I warred with you instead. Desperate to not become you. Broken like you. Broken like your father. And his father before him. Broken begat Broken. That's how I got here. I've reconciled myself with that. "Mens Sana in Corpore Sano." YOU said it. 22-12-2018. Note: Breaking the cycle of inherited Brokenness is a personal choice. It's worth it when your sons tell you just so. "Compos mentis"= Sound/ whole in mind. "Mens Sana in Corpore Sano"= Healthy/sound in mind , Healthy/ sound in Body. (Two of my father's favourite sayings.)

Copyright © | Year Posted 2018




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Date: 9/22/2019 12:20:00 PM
It's rare to find a person who has not some issues with their parents. I'm not speaking of dysfunctional families, but just the child-mother, child-father dynamic. Even relatively good and loving upbringings tend to have a thorn or two on there roses. Of course this poem speaks of a deeper rift, and perhaps after-quakes of the legal kind. more....
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Aqua Marine
Date: 9/22/2019 2:22:00 PM
Thank you for your welcome visit, Eric, and down to earth insight! I am well along in years, and maybe being overly sensitive by nature, has made it harder to "get over"past issues. Very aware of the importance of not "paying forward" the negatives of the past. Especially to the men in my life. I appreciate your comments very much!
Date: 9/22/2019 12:20:00 PM
Fact is, the poem is so well written it made me float over the storyline, just savoring the images and visuals you painted throughout. An Amazing write! I hope it was cathartic for you. Wonderful work.
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Aqua Marine
Date: 9/22/2019 2:30:00 PM
It was indeed cathartic- sometimes we disinter unresolved " bones " so we can give them a decent burial....I think that's what this poem was about. I needed to write it. I am very happy you enjoyed the read. : )
Date: 3/28/2019 6:29:00 AM
To me this is not only a truly great poem but one that definitely should be published! What is sad is that too oft we only realize after one has passed on that our own bias/weakness/fear blinded us to how they suffered and why they were the way they were. This is a magnificently deep and superbly crafted poem. A fav.. a pure and true gem!
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Aqua Marine
Date: 3/28/2019 7:04:00 AM
2) Please excuse my reticence on PS, as far as commenting is concerned- I will definitely comment more on your poems in future- have had some issues to deal with lately. Time consuming...have a wonderful day, and Carry on Writing! : )
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Aqua Marine
Date: 3/28/2019 6:57:00 AM
Dearest Robert, I am deeply appreciative of your thoughts expressed here...Thank you so much! Thank you for your vote of confidence in my poetry- I think most poets would love to have their work published, but suffer from a lack of confidence ....you are very encouraging indeed!((HUGS))
Date: 1/9/2019 10:47:00 AM
Hello Aqua, I am sorry I do not understand your poem. If you could explain it to me. Thank you.Have a nice day my friend.
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Aqua Marine
Date: 1/15/2019 3:31:00 PM
2) My father made me very angry with life, and I avoided him. When he died, I had not spoken to him for years, and that meant I hadn't made my peace with him. It was only some years after he died, that I fully understood him, and was able to forgive him for his cruelty, and also accept that he did have some good qualities. This meant healing from the past, so that it would not affect me. Hope this helps! (((HUGS)))
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Aqua Marine
Date: 1/15/2019 3:22:00 PM
Hi Darlene, I apologize for taking a while to reply, and thank you for asking for an explanation...This poem is about the difficulties I had making peace with my father. Often in life, the issues parents have with their past, is passed down to the next generation. "Broken" means dysfunctional, or unable to deal with life's problems. We learn how to live, from our parents.
Date: 1/3/2019 4:52:00 AM
Poetry at it' very best, love the deep emotional story.. in fact, a classic..
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Aqua Marine
Date: 1/6/2019 12:29:00 PM
Grateful for your comment, Harry H, you are always gracious and that kind encouragement is what helps me carry on writing. Have a wonderful day, Warm regards, Aqua M.
Date: 12/31/2018 5:58:00 AM
ohh, may we all break generational patterns and live well based on our terms.... beautifully crafted, aqua; you inspire!..thanks for coming around ..huggs!
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/31/2018 7:45:00 AM
It made me resilient and rigid at the same time. Took decades to build safer boundaries, and build empathy through understanding myself and others- still learning. I am so Happy you found it inspiring! And thank you for coming around to comment too! Warm regards, Aqua.
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/31/2018 7:39:00 AM
Warm HUGS back to you, Nette! I think it's so ingrained in humans from birth, that it's not humanly possible to "fix" everything that has been inculcated in us by the first authority figures in our lives. They must be right, because they were our means of early survival. I was seven years old when I stood between my father and mother, taking him on. That's crazy. I can't forget. I can forgive.
Date: 12/30/2018 10:31:00 AM
What deep, emotional, exquisite writing. It takes great courage to bare one's sould as you have done with this verse, AM. All the best. John
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/30/2018 10:53:00 AM
It's a pleasure to have you visit, and comment, John- a public expression of a decision, is a way of making a commitment to oneself to forge ahead. I have no animosity towards my father. The peace I feel has made me realize how important it is to reconcile differences with others. No one is perfect, least of all myself. " Richard Lamoreaux wrote a great poem called " Broken People" in the best 100 poems. Helped a lot. Warm regards,AM.
Date: 12/29/2018 2:56:00 AM
Wow, that is so strong, honest and thought provoking. Unbroken or reassembled. My own late father was also born in 1922 and the story of making meaning goes on for me. But as you state, we all have choices and can reconcile (or not) on our own terms. For me and for you I suppose, poetry helps in the process. Kind wishes, Kai
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/29/2018 1:41:00 PM
Poetry has for me been an excellent way to "reorganize" thinking, Kai. I really appreciate your thoughts expressed here- and that it can take years to process our life experiences in a way that is beneficial to others too. My sons and I discuss these things and its good to see the positive results from moving on. Thank you for your kind words! Warm regards, AM
Date: 12/27/2018 4:57:00 PM
Aqua, such a thought provoking and deep write. Excellent writing ~
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/29/2018 1:07:00 PM
I am happy that you enjoyed this write, Dear Heart- your visit and comment meant a lot to me.(((HUGS)))
Date: 12/27/2018 11:42:00 AM
A powerful and meaningful write. Living life with all its challenges can be discouraging. Nevertheless, within creation, we see the duality of all existence; and learn to grapple with the chaotic realities. Allan Koven
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/29/2018 1:04:00 PM
I found your comment very interesting, Allan- It led me to do some research on duality of existence- very interesting... Yes, I think that once it can be understood with compassion, that humans are not perfect, it is easier to transcend confusion it creates, and move on as best possible. I like that you said "learn to grapple with the chaotic realities. AM.
Date: 12/27/2018 6:05:00 AM
I have heard of men who only want and accept sons and reject their daughters. That is a sad way for a child to live. It is good that you have forgiven him and somehow been healed emotionally. Sara
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/28/2018 10:44:00 AM
Thank you for your sensitive comment, Sara- I found it an impossible task to fit into the shoes of twin brothers who died prematurely before me. It took ages to make sense of it all. A friend told me that we are all individual miracles, no matter what anyone says. And I did learn good things from my father too. (((HUGS)))
Date: 12/27/2018 5:55:00 AM
"Wild child to your wild Man." Ten years on." and " I broke through your dark clouds. Cloaked in ambiguity, Hate was angry love in denial" and "A daughter thrown forward, incompatible with your resolve to quarrel with your quarrelsome past." are so truthful and telling, and courageous in the spilling of the soul like this. Very nice indeed. I have a feeling that "Broken like you. Broken like your father. And his father before him. Broken begat Broken." means your poetry is setting you free.
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/27/2018 6:23:00 AM
Been writing on and off for around 50years now- mostly to myself. Posting on PS has helped very much, and sometimes finding others going through similar struggles, gives me strength to keep going in the right direction. I love your down to earth style and honesty! (((HUGS)))
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/27/2018 6:20:00 AM
Yes, Caren, it is indeed giving me a "voice" in a long struggle to change the perceptions of myself, and of myself in relation to men. I do not see myself as a man hater- and that was crucial in helping me heal, through understanding and forgiveness. I do appreciate your taking the time to read this and comment- I've been reading your poetry, and appreciate your wide angle view of life a lot!
Date: 12/23/2018 2:41:00 AM
Deeply personal and, by extension, very brave poetry. Well done on a an immeasurably important piece of writing and, more significantly, an immeasurably important personal process of healing. Fave.
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/24/2018 11:10:00 AM
Thank you very much for that encouraging comment, Lawrence, and I appreciate the fave too! Sometimes only thing holding us back is our selves...Yet that can be changed. Your words are very kind. (((HUGS)))
Date: 12/22/2018 6:37:00 PM
(3) who went through the same thing, so I get to vent a bit with him also, and that helps. I have forgiven my dad, because he's ten times the man I'll ever be, (and because BOTH his parents were cold, so he had not the tools), but it's still a struggle to get beyond the negative feelings. This is a SUPERB write - one of the best I've seen here in quite a while, and you should be very proud of it, as it contains ALL the elements that make great poetry from good. Thanks and blessings to you! :-)
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/23/2018 3:45:00 AM
Thank you, and Big Blessings to you too! : ))
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/23/2018 2:53:00 AM
I have friends who allow my voice to be heard- Being a sounding board allows the echoes of your heart to reverberate, ( love that word!) resonate the truth within you. There is hardly a better judge than the one who "let's you off the hook," for being human, and releases you from Broken, to go back and endure humbly what hurt you in the first place. Freedom is not always escape. Love is. You set your boys free!
Date: 12/22/2018 6:33:00 PM
(2) ... and I'm proud of that. It's very hard sometimes to be "understanding" about his dementia, because he never touched me or interacted with me my entire life, and waiting on him and cleaning his accidents is a struggle to NOT be resentful, but with my mother's loving heart, I remember it's not really him, (and he did finally say he loved me before his mind went). TMI I know, but this spoke to me on so many levels, and I felt I needed to share. I have another good friend here ... (continued)
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/23/2018 2:41:00 AM
I admire you for caring for your parents under such trying circumstances, Greg! Now THAT takes strength- And that having your wonderful mother's heart to lean on. While this world glorifies intellectual achievements- you have succeeded in achieving emotional depth in your understanding of human nature.Science can't gift you that wisdom. Love of humanity can.
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/23/2018 1:32:00 AM
2)Yes! Be proud that you "spoke the truth in your heart," and made a conscious decision to be different. I had both parents unable to show affection - It was my Granny's love during formative years that gave me a true idea of what natural affection means. I lost important contact with her at a young age when we moved away. Having children helped me to develop that " transcendental " love- tending to helpless infants with care, without getting much back. Don't feel bad about resentment, ok?
Date: 12/22/2018 6:28:00 PM
Wow, this is just exquisite writing, with depth and emotion that's hard to find these days, and I am fav-ing for sure. I take care of my elderly parents now, and my dad is losing his mind, (a brilliant scientist) ... tough thing is that I don't know him, and despite my over-achieving, neglected me since I was a baby, (thank god my mother was the opposite). I broke that chain with my kids, (his father was the same, and so-on), and if nothing else, they are loving and FEEL loved ... (continued)
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/23/2018 1:15:00 AM
Dearest Greg, I read all your comments, and am so deeply touched by them, I am bowled over that this poem meant so much to you. I nearly didn't post it. It finalized a decision to move forward in life, to not remain stuck in the past. Yes, it is up to us to break those chains, so we can free not just ourselves, but our children too.Like you, I have fought to not pay the past forward...
Date: 12/22/2018 6:14:00 PM
I am honoured to be the first to comment. This is exceptional poetry. A dynamic piece of writing that draws one in. Bravo!
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/22/2018 11:36:00 PM
(continued) Times have changed, and that need to discover natural affection, is always there. Even God personally spoke words of approval to his perfect Son, Jesus , while he was on earth. I think knowing that, has helped me understand it's okay to have a need for natural familial love. A healthy way to "fight for what is right..." MY deepest appreciation for your visit and comment! (((HUGS)))
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Aqua Marine
Date: 12/22/2018 11:13:00 PM
Dearest Richard, and I am honoured to have your comment too! My father died some years ago, and as you will see from Greg's comments above, we have had our struggles to become reconciled with what has been painfully "unreconcilable" -and yet, to move forward, we have to make peace with our past. My sons, grown up, are loved. Dealing with my issues, has helped them with their issues with their father who died recently. "Old school" parents didn't " talk."