turning point

spinning on high speed mostly out of control the washing machine failed to conclude any of its operation according to a wished for manual given at birth he had not much choice in the matter due to the lottery of inheritance he missed the bonus prize surely his emotional mind had often given way to reason but logic hardly ever stopped the autopilot in his mind and with the off button defective it guzzled energy which his thinking muzzled confused inconclusive repetitive not so much a merry go round but rather a scary rollercoaster plunging from great heights into nowhere in particular but with nauseous combustion and vertigo squared to infinity stop he pleaded and begged for a power cut or the bailiff to disconnect him from such uncomfortable corrosion because he himself just could not find the trip fuse was never able to cut some wires nor change charge or course inevitable depression provided only temporary reprieve and alcohol simply increased the ugly voices after a blackout how he wished to wash his thoughts manually with a bar of soap but even then procrastination took over and merely smudged the stains it bordered on incurable insanity but by then he had well crossed any frontier and to emigrate from his own self required a valid visa for healing when he did not even know where his expired passport lived a new life in the past he had paid for expensive medicines kind therapists and doctors which numbed him for a while or simply passed some time with empathy yet there was no cure insight no major insight and still misfiring synapses he joked sometimes that he had seriously considered a frontal lobotomy but the idea of a sharp instrument passing through his eye socket did not appeal suicidal ideation changed into self-pity and the machine kept spinning in vain when he discovered ego-cide and acceptance of suffering karma and gratitude his life changed dramatically as the cyclones rotated into more conventional drift eventually he realized he would have been much worse off with a cement mixer because then the pebbles in the cauldron would surely have shattered his scull 27th August 2024