Turning 50

To my lovely wife (who has a great sense of humor) Turning 50 You may think is nifty But truth be told It means you’re quite old You may have more wisdom And a walk in tub You rate a new AARP card Now here comes the rub In order to keep A proper perspective Let’s count the ways You’ll become more defective Start with the skin It’s beginning to sag Your voice will be changing It’s morphing to ’Nag’ And without that skin staying Healthy and supple Your boobs will head south Making friends with your navel And now for the Butt Destined to enlarge Ready for that scooter Once it gets a full charge You can scoot to the Doctor He will be your best friend That is, until The inevitable end Best check your insurance Talk to Alex Trebek And Colonial Penn Better bring a big check Good thing for you That your finances are set Relying on S.S. Was a really good bet What’s that you say? That fund is no more? Where is the Lockbox? We trusted Al Gore Oh well, not to worry You’ll have Medicare No, not that either You say it went where? It was needed to pay for Cell phones and cable And for those that desire To be labeled disabled Then best to be careful Try not to slip Hang on to your walker Let’s not break a hip Stairs now are your enemy Too hard to climb Is it weakening muscles Or that growing behind When we are younger Playing the fool Growing a year older Was always so cool Reaching a half century The truth will awaken Now your old bony knees Ain’t the only thing shaking More and more often This fact will ring true Everyone else Is younger than you