Today

Today the boy who sexually abused me got married. I. I got to spend the day feeling like the contents of my overfilled stomach were going to cascade out of me. I got to spend the day glued to my screen, pretending I wasn’t feeling guilty, disgusting and a failure. I got to spend the day hoping to catch even a glimpse that his bride left him. To hope she saw the light. I spent the day feeling physically and mentally nauseous at my inability to speak about it. I spent the day convincing myself that it really wasn’t that bad, perhaps I overreacted. She would be fine. Whilst he married the ‘love of his life’, I convinced myself that one day I too would be loved enough. The broken carcass of my soul would be good enough for somebody. Today. My sexual abuser got married.