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Through the Door

Can you see them run to me – arms wide and laughing,
calling me, Mama: keeper of the stars, moon and hearts?
Can you see them kiss away my pain, healing every hurt
that’s ever marked me broken, dead or dying?

Can you see them hurt me? When they curse me, flay me; 
ground me with their unformed anger and bravado-uncertainty
until they fly behind doors, crying over what they’ve said – 
wishing they could take it back? 

O’, does that pride HURT! 
It stabs the chest and holds…holds…holds.
Can you see them behind doors and feel their wishful hearts burn? 
Can you feel them loving me through it all?
Love is not something easily hidden. Love like that breaks down doors – 
                                    sees through them. 
Can you see my tears; feel the weight of them on your cheeks? 
They are yours. 
Where you are (past the furthest/closest door) can you see me in them? 
Can you see the love I kept hidden in my dark and painful dungeon? 
You never knew what he did to me – but deep down, I blamed you anyway. 
There was only you left, you see; always you.
Can you see, I'm just like you?

If you can see me, you know. 
And if you can hear me crying through this God Damned pen (all those notes – 
all those written sorry’s slipped beneath doors - you must have known that
even at 37, I’d write you my heart in a note!)

You, Gran/Mother, are my one and only regret. 
That for 7 years, I treated you like a burden, a bother, and a barrier. 
I treated you like you should have treated me – an unintentional intruder;
like something taken, not given. 
But worse than that, I treated you like an acquaintance. 
Knowing how badly that must have hurt you, makes me want to be kicked in the face 
until I am unrecognizable; to the rest of the world, and myself. 

But life’s not like that, is it? No. You knew that, too. 

My baby boy has your nose, ears, and eyes. 
Do you think that if I whisper in his ear tonight while he sleeps (between you and me – 
at the doorway), you could hear me?
Tonight, I will whisper love in his perfect ear (pressed up against heaven’s door) -
maybe you will hear me say,

“Indy…Gran, I’m so sorry. If you can hear me, please give me a sign so I will know 
you’ve heard me. I want to see you smile again – just one more time…please…
let me know that somewhere, behind the door, you forgive me…”

And in the darkness of his bedroom; the moonlight covering his small face
like an angel’s kiss, the baby boy in her likeness, smiled.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2009

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Date: 6/4/2015 10:22:00 AM
What a marvelous read from a blessed paged built on lines constructed with the lyrics of the skies and words well supported by dynamic foamy clouds. Message well expressed! No doubt an absolute 7##.
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Date: 4/30/2014 2:19:00 PM
Now, I Can See Why You Are One Of The Most Popular Poets To Ever Come Through These Doors At Her PoetrySoup, Beautiful Kristin...How Many Countless Lives Could Echo Such Words ? We Spend Our Years Pulling Splinters In Regrets From Our Eyes; Numb, We Must Become....I Learned It's Lesson At Her Tender Age Of Three And, Slowly Let These Ashes Slip From My Fingers Into His Sea ~ We'll Begin Again Smiling We Then Walked Away ~ You Are Brilliant In Beautiful And I Shall Favour This Painting As Also, Your Beauty....Love, Jeremy *
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Date: 6/10/2010 10:43:00 AM
Please get as many people as possible to read Hush Missing Child <3
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Date: 2/10/2010 8:42:00 PM
full of such emotion and sadness we do things in life that we do regret,,,everyone does,,it does not make it right but I do feel we are forgiven,if we feel the guilt earnestly,,time and age has such tokens and ideas that fade or grow ,,,depending....congratulations on your win,,,,,,Blessings..Cecil
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Date: 7/15/2009 4:44:00 PM
Kristin - wow - deeply profound - Congratulations on placing in Christie & Sharon’s contest – I apologize I wasn’t able to congratulate you until now, God Bless, MJ
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Date: 7/2/2009 9:47:00 AM
Congratulations to your outstanding first place win! Wonderful! Love Laura :)
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Date: 7/2/2009 5:58:00 AM
So wonderful and such a powerful message not put off facing the issues you have with loved ones....face them as many times as needed to replace the glue of love that once bound it now for there maybe few tommorrows & once you have there will be no horrid regret. #1 poet ride on......Light & Love
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Date: 7/1/2009 11:48:00 PM
Wow, I missed this first time around. This is a real piece from the heart. Congratulations. BG
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Date: 7/1/2009 11:33:00 PM
Congrats on your success in Sharon/Christie's contest Kristin .Rgds Brian
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Date: 7/1/2009 6:55:00 PM
Bravo Kristin! A much much did I say MUCH! deserved win in the contest-AA
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Date: 7/1/2009 5:39:00 PM
This work of art, of love, of pain, so deserving this win....yet once again, it has put tears in my eyes, in spite of being here to congratulate you on this fine win! You are a winner, by all means!! ~ Love Carrie
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Date: 7/1/2009 5:07:00 PM
Kristin, congrats on your big win in Sharon and Christies Contest...Raul
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Date: 6/9/2009 5:39:00 PM
Smile~Sounds as though "You" received a wonderful response at the end of this all "Dear Kristin Reynolds!!?"~As once again I could feel "Your Beautiful Soul," rising from the profound pages of "Your Very Gifted Words!!":)~"Extremely Moving To Say The Very Least"~"Love To 'You All,' Always, John!!":) ~
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Date: 5/30/2009 6:47:00 AM dear girl....this hurts to read the pain of your words....I do believe she would know without you having to say it. As hurt as you were yourself.....she will understand that it was just your own pain that acted out...youth and immaturity doesn't give us the experience yet to unravel the reasons for our own actions. I hope you will learn to forgive your dear self. Love to you xoxox
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Date: 5/29/2009 9:07:00 PM
Wow Kristin that had the hair on my arm standing up, for real. Awesome, you pour out your heart and soul. Loved it as always. God Bless. Ron
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Date: 5/29/2009 6:02:00 AM
Speechless, and crying. Sorry. Love you, Shar
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Date: 5/29/2009 5:44:00 AM
Another remarkable write that digs deep in the emotions...your heart is once again on display and your pen flows forgiveness in the most powerful way...I can feel the weight of the past being buried and the birth of a life as it should be emerged...strength and love.
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Date: 5/29/2009 5:29:00 AM
Interesting piece with lovely imageries. forgiveness is the rule of the game, it removes our shame.. You are such a great poet. Keep your poetry pens dancing to the drum beat of your dreams… great you! Leke
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Date: 5/29/2009 3:06:00 AM
O THIS IS VIVID MAN!xtrmly down-2-d-heart.keep writing!
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Date: 5/29/2009 2:28:00 AM
Thats deep
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