Thoughts of You

TH0UGHTS OF YOU The last time I ever saw you, you were standing beside my bed, so dressed up with your short permed hair. You were wearing a printed navy long sleeves shirt, tucked in white pants and under a white vest. You were looking at me with approval and in the corners of your mouth, a smile. I was stunned, bewildered and startled; but calm, surprisingly composed and collected. You were there and then you were not. Either I could believe it or not. In an instant, I was looking at an empty space. You were gone, vanished right in front of my eyes. I was left staring at the wall, astounded with thoughts of you running in my head. We are blood related and when we connected, you were a mature twenty one year old and I was a premature one year old. You committed yourself to me and a bond was formed between you and me. A bond between mother and daughter, a bond so strong that we carried on together. You took care of me, nurtured me, spoiled me rotten, loved and adored me. In your eyes, I could do no wrong. With your belief in me, I became strong, confident, independent and acted beyond my age. You left to start your own family; but never really abandoned me. Although, we were thousands of miles away from each other. We were reunited eight years later. All those years we were separated, thoughts of you came in and went out of my head. Our reunion strengthened our bond. You cheered me on with my accomplishments, cried with me during tough times, laughed when I was being funny, listened when I needed to talk to somebody. You were always there come what may. The unconditional love you gave, made me appreciate you more, thank and love you more. Then you were gone, you passed on. Although I expressed my appreciation, gratitude and love to you for years and years, I was not there for you at the end. You became ill, bed ridden for a few years. The long distance between the two of us, my work and the demands of daily life prevented me to be there for you. It was so sad that I could not stay with you and yet, you assured me, you fully understood and you knew deep in your heart how much you meant to me. When I have thoughts of you, I miss the week-end visits I had with you, filled with fun, laughter and surprises. Eating your home cooked meals, singing karaoke, watching tennis and movies, drinking your bar tendered margarita just for me, and driving me around the city while joking, giggling, laughing in your Camry. I miss our long talks on the phone about nonsense or family issues. Thoughts of you definitely assure me about how much you loved and cared for me and how sweet it is to be loved than not to be loved at all. Thoughts of you always remind me of our lasting and loving relationship. Thoughts of you always leave me with tears in my eyes or a smile on my face. 3/28/21 Mother Poetry Constance La France Written: 2019