Those Old Dreams

After dawn has malingered through my window I lay my swimming head down and as I drown I dream of you. I dream you walking towards me and echo of things said in dark explosive nights which in the sober day are made real and whole, I dream the poetry of the greats rising from your mouth which I once knew and silently I cry out and out I do not love you. I fear those around me bodies finally failing 50 hours after our excess began hear me call out my denial drenched memories. I wonder now if they watched my face when I dreamed would they see yours? I find myself in a new town with a new place to hit the floor, and yet still i run towards breaking point in all the beautiful damagin ways I know. I wonder when you are truly gone from me from my vessels from my veins who will I blame when my body finally caves once more. when the boundaries crumble. when the dark is no more my friend. when the night fails me. when once more I find solace only in savegery. when my heart expires. You have not seen me dancing on the ceiling of the room. You I fear will only remember my eyes dark from those dark days forgetting our blazing nights. So I inhale, I swallow down somethings I will not choke. Forgive me if I don't eat If I loathe sleep. Its the painful normality I want to escape from. Its things long gone I crave and cry for when at last I hit the floor and my own foolishness closes my eyes for me.