Email Poem

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Poem

After dawn has malingered through my window
I lay my swimming head down
and as I drown I dream of you.
I dream you walking towards me
and echo of things said
in dark explosive nights
which in the sober day are made real and whole,
I dream the poetry of the greats rising from your mouth
which I once knew
and silently I cry out and out
I do not love you.
I fear those around me 
bodies finally failing 50 hours after our excess began
hear me call out my denial drenched memories.
I wonder now if they watched 
my face when I dreamed
would they see yours?

I find myself in a new town
with a new place to hit the floor,
and yet still i run towards breaking point
in all the beautiful damagin ways I know.
I wonder when you are truly gone from me 
from my vessels 
from my veins
who will I blame
when my body finally caves once more.
when the boundaries crumble.
when the dark is no more my friend.
when the night fails me.
when once more I find solace only in savegery. 
when my heart expires.

You have not seen me dancing on the ceiling of the room.
You I fear will only remember my eyes dark
from those dark days
forgetting our blazing nights.
So I inhale, I swallow down somethings
I will not choke.
Forgive me if I don't eat
If I loathe sleep.
Its the painful normality 
I want to escape from.
Its things long gone I crave 
and cry for
when at last I hit the floor
and my own foolishness closes my eyes for me.

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