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This Gothic Girl

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I am trying to learn Iambic Pentameter so any help would be appreciated.

This gothic girl, so deeply sad, forlorn- was born to weep, to write my verse in blood . . . _____________________________ February 1, 2016 Poetry/Iambic Pentameter/This Gothic Girl Copyright Protected, ID 16-751-258-0 All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.

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Brian Mcclain

Date: 2/11/2016 11:58:00 AM

It may be a good practice to use short words for IP, which you for sure do here. In Shakespeare's Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day, 85+% of the words monosyllables, many strategically positioned to receive a stress: "art, winds, shake, buds, May, lease, date, gold, fair, chance, fade, lose, shall, brag, shade, lines, Time, long, men, breathe, eyes, see, life, thee". With monosyllables, there is no question as to which syllable is stressed, and it just sort of helps with the rhythm.

Constance La France
Date: 2/11/2016 12:50:00 PM

Brian, thanks for the advice on IP to tell you the truth I am finding it a bit restrictive at the moment anyways. ..

White Sage

Date: 2/3/2016 4:19:00 PM

I've always known your potential will lift your wings, wow! you've done this well, excellent trial BW

Constance La France
Date: 2/3/2016 8:17:00 PM

Sage, thanks for the encouragement, I have been told that if I learn meter it will elevate my poetry, and not that I would use it every time but it is a good tool to know, still struggling with it somewhat, for a girl who loves music, I am not feeling the flow of it that well yet..... but improving

Andrew John

Date: 2/3/2016 2:53:00 AM

I note your request. My only criticism of this would be that the word 'poems' begins with a stress. It would need to begin on an unstressed syllable to be strictly iambic. One feels forced to say po-EMS rather than PO-ems. You could get over it by saying, 'was born to weep, to write my verse in blood', or even (cheating a little) 'was born to weep, to write my poems in blood', but we'd have to see 'poems' as one syllable there (spoken quickly, it can pass as one, but only just!).

Andrew John
Date: 2/3/2016 5:25:00 AM

In answer to your response to my note, the first line is fine. Actually, when I suggested 'write my verse in blood', I did of course mean 'write her verse in blood', since it's the Gothic girl's poems we're talking about. But I'm sure you clocked that.

Constance La France
Date: 2/3/2016 4:55:00 AM

Andrew, thanks so much for your help, really appreciate, I like your first suggestion the best, it seems perfect with my first line, which I assume was in good meter . . .

Brian Mcclain

Date: 2/3/2016 12:51:00 AM

Nice! I have been wondering if IP rules need to be followed so strictly..maybe the 10 syllables-per-line should be more like a guideline rather than immutable law. For Word Horde I used exactly 11 syllables per line, but that seems okay, cuz it's more about delivery cadence. I like rhymes though--they have worked for 500 years, from Shakespeare to Bob Dylan to today. Just keep writing from the heart, read aloud to find the beat, let your great talent and way with words see you through. Peace :-)

Constance La France
Date: 2/3/2016 4:59:00 AM

Brian, oh you are so right, I must write from my heart, but I want to learn the rules of pentameter and then I can be a rebel and do 11 syllable lines !! I will definetly not use meter for every poem because to be honest I find it restrictive and I want to be free to fly on my broken wings :-)

Arthur Vaso

Date: 2/1/2016 8:55:00 PM

I know nothing of pen and meters, I only know I liked this!

Constance La France
Date: 2/2/2016 6:36:00 PM

Arthur, oh thanks for that sweet comment !

Steven Henderson

Date: 2/1/2016 7:27:00 PM

I'd say your making excellent progress in my opinion, in my humble opinion, 5 more lines and your golden! Peace and many blessings!

Steven Henderson
Date: 2/1/2016 7:44:00 PM

Maybe you could make that one the last line of the 8 because it is a powerful one.

Steven Henderson
Date: 2/1/2016 7:42:00 PM

It's good to me! Check out a few of mine if you like. I always feel unsure about them when I write them.

Constance La France
Date: 2/1/2016 7:34:00 PM

I am not sure about the ... to weep, to write ??

Constance La France
Date: 2/1/2016 7:33:00 PM

Steven, thanks for the excellent, that is so encouraging, well last week I was doing one line, so I am progressing....