There Must Be a Reason Why

I am having panic attacks worrying about everything there is to worry about and have become obsessed with worrying house payments, car payments, having bad deck fixed and paying for it and being 78 years old. Have dreams of killing myself. Was taking trip on a train seeing mountainside. Travel represents death and dying. Dream obsessed about towels. I ran out of Seattle Seahawk towels and had to start giving out other towels and people became mad at me. On and on and on. It all seems hopeless and worrisome and do not know what to do. Also, always have feelings of incompetence and a lack of ability to solve problems. There has to be a reason why I am receiving these feelings of incompetence and fear. I have panic attacks in middle of the night together with feelings of wanting to kill myself. Medicine may be causing this. Am taking medicine to control feelings and thoughts of depression. They are Hydroxyzine 4 times a day during daylight hours of course and Risperidone. Wonder if they are producing some of these harsh dreams and thoughts. Jim Horn