The Two-Stepper

Some o’ them Texas gals ‘re tougher than nails, as this loser found out the hard way! Give me your attention, friend, for only just a minute. I’d like to ask ya’ what you do - ‘bout trouble…when you’re in it. Just about two weeks ago, I hopped into my car, And headed out to do a little dancin,’ at the bar. Now, this place ain’t no “Billie Bob’s,” but, just behind that door, Are lots of real good lookin’ gals…and one big dancin’ floor. The size “two-steppers” like me need to really strut their stuff. Now….I was dancin’ sober….an’ I wasn’t acting tough, When - seems I winged this big, old gal….hey - she just weren’t no dancer - An’ that there’s how the fight began…and here’s where I need an answer. First she grabs me by the arm -- then hauls right off and hits me! So I stuck my fanger in her face, and then -- the old witch bit me! Just lookie there…you see them marks…I think there’ll be a scar. I never thought I’d pret’ near lose my fanger in a bar. Well….this is where the whole thing got completely out o’ hand. An’ account o’ how she dipped and dived, I simply couldn’t land A real good punch -- no matter what. Man…I was gettin’ pissed! But when I finally nail her on the mouth -- (‘bout broke my fist) - She simply grins and says to me, “Is that the best you got?” And then she doubles up her fist, an’…let me tell ya’ what… She must have had brass knuckles on! Hey…I’m a tough old goat - But not quite tough enough, I guess, ‘cause…that was all she wrote! Then I - came to - in handcuffs…and the cop asks, “You O. K.?” An’ I says…“Hell - o’ course I am…but there just ain’t no way “Any gal can take a punch from a guy as tough as me. That had to be a dude -- in drag! It simply had to be.” The trooper growls, “You’re lucky I don’t lock you up for life, ‘Cause the gal who kicked your woosy butt -- happens to be - my wife!” So, now you see, friend…why I’m not so sure ‘bout what to do. Is it wrong to belt someone who’s pret’ near killing you? All I know is…some sweet day…I pray I get the chance To teach that fat old hag to keep her distance when I dance, ‘Cause if she tries to mess with me again, she’ll learn real fast…. Married to a cop or not....I’ll kick her ornery ***! PS: I've now got 4 new Audio-CDs - @ 4 1/2 hours each = (62 diversely varied pieces). They’re listed on EBAY - under - “Mark Stellinga Poetry” - or available by simply contacting me at -- mark@writerofbooks.com -- should those of you who enjoy listening to poems as well as reading them - and particularly those of you that travel - care to be so entertained. (We use safe and simple - PayPal) There are a bunch of my pieces on YouTube as well --- Cheers, Mark