The One That Got Away - Both Audio and Text

Nelson Cedrick Thunderwood, a colonel in the army, has served his country faithfully for thirty-seven years. I doubt if there could be a medal Nelson hasn’t won, and he’s earned the admiration and respect of all his peers. In the mess hall, during lunch, a private wandered by, and Colonel N. C. Thunderwood assailed the new recruit. “You there, private,” he exploded, “give me fifty push-ups. When you see a Colonel…you’re expected to salute!” “I was just about to, sir, but I am quite nearsighted. I couldn’t tell your rank,” he claimed, “I hope it’s not too late.” “I should give you thirty days,” the angry colonel growled. “So tell me…just how long were you expecting me to wait?” “Only three or four more feet - and I’d ‘ve been saluting,” swore the frightened private, as he stood there like a stone. Thunderwood ignited, “So you couldn’t see my stripes, but would have been saluting as you should have had you’d known?” “That’s a fact, sir,” he replied, “for if my eyes were better, I’d have been saluting long ago, and that’s the truth.” Somewhat disinclined to take his word for what he’d told him, Thunderwood, suspicious, would begin to quiz the youth. “So tell me…how’d you qualify to actually join the army? A soldier needs keen eyesight if he’s going to shoot a gun.” “I’m a bit surprised myself,” the private would explain. “Perhaps I only made it in ‘cause…I’m the General’s son!” “You don’t say,” the Colonel fired back in great dismay. “You don’t mean to tell me…you’re the son of old J. P.? I’m sorry that I yelled at you, my boy…and it’s forgotten. Forget the fifty push-ups. Would you like to dine with me?” “With respect, I don’t believe enlisted men should mix with officers,” the private quipped, “but thank you just the same.” “I understand,” the Colonel said, “and kindly tell your father, ‘Hi,’ from me? And by the way, son, tell me…what’s your name?” “My name’s J. P., Jr., sir,” the youngster proudly crowed. “And I will try my very best to make Dad proud of me.” The Colonel shook the youngster’s hand and said, “I’m sure you will, and I would not have yelled if I had known how bad you see.” Moments later…after they had gone their separate ways…the Colonel stopped and thought a bit…then glared around the room. He was searching hard to find that sneaky little turd to have the MP’s grab him, for he meant to seal his doom! After he’d dismissed him…and the kid had disappeared…he realized that he’d been duped, and almost blew his lid. He knew the line about the private’s sight was total bull when he remembered that the General…doesn’t have a kid! BTW: I plan to post many of my AUDIO files on the soup over the next few months, most from my 4 new AUDIO-CDs, along with many more text files from my books of verse. (Only a few CDs and books left -- 1-11-21). Because, as with most academically undisciplined poets, depending entirely on the mood I’m in at writing time, my pieces vary greatly from meaninglessly comical to meaningfully poignant, and a few are, admittedly, irreverent. If you happen to enjoy “traditional verse” - and appreciate great variety, check out my website’s at: WWW,WRITEROFBOOKS.COM --- or Google me...after 58 years of penning verse and authoring childrens and suspense books, I’m easy to reach! I've also got a bunch of my verse posted on Youtube, and a few samples listed on Ebay, both findable by simply searching: "Mark Stellinga". Cheers, Mark