The Last Gallon of Gas On Earth - At Auction

Given the astronomical amount of gasoline consumed world-wide every single day…could this scenario not be all that far off? “What’ll ya’ give? What am I bid?” was how the call began. The auctioneer went on to say, “Come on…let’s see some hands. “Who will start the bidding? Who’ll be the first to bid? I’m sure this lot will do much better than the last one did. “All the cars have sold now, and we’ve saved the best for last: In all the world....the last remaining gallon can of gas! “The cars were pushed to where they sit. There is no gasoline. The only place these petrol-guzzling beauties will be seen “Is in the car museums. They will never see the road. They’ll never take you cruising…never haul another load. “There is no way to drive them now; they’re only good for show. ‘Cause the one thing they’re all lacking is - the gas to make them go. “And since the very last supply of fuel…on which they ran… Has been depleted, this right here…this last remaining can “Of actual gas is - up for auction. Where d’ya’ wanna start? This will be the lot, today, that sails right off the chart. “We’ve got bidders on the phone from all across the earth. The only fuel left…in the world! Imagine what it’s worth. “This will be the final chance to actually start one up. Our consignor actually planned to sell it by the cup! “He even tried insisting that we sell it by the ounce! But - getting it - I’m sure you know, is all that really counts. “You could drive your favorite one, say… two…three hundred feet. Or back it down your driveway - and display it on the street. “Who would like to start it? There’s a million! Thank you, sir. Think about how great it sounds to hear an engine purr. “If you ever want the chance to hear them run again, This will the most important lot you’ll ever win. “Come on, folks, it’s do or die. The opening bid’s a joke. I know - if I still had a car…I’d bid ‘til I was broke! “I’ve got two…now three…now four…now five…do I hear six? Remember folks…the winner takes ‘bout any rig he picks “And actually starts it up. Can you imagine? What a thrill. Who’ll go - seven million dollars? Surely…someone will. “Thank you. I’ve got seven. Seven million. Who’ll go eight? If you plan on jumping in - you really shouldn’t wait. “I’ve got nine. Now ten…..and now eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen…fifteen…sixteen. Don’t stop there. Now seventeen. “Eighteen…nineteen…nineteen-five! That’s nineteen-five…right here. This will be the most expensive thing we’ve sold all year. “This is it, now…don’t forget…be sure you understand… In all the world, this is…of gasoline…the final can! “Twenty? Thank you. I’ve got twenty. Who’ll do twenty-one? Anybody else want in…or is that it? All done? “Twenty once…twenty twice……that’s twenty…are ya’ through? Are you all done bidding? Is that all you’re gonna do? “Well…thank you all for bidding, but - reserve price wasn’t met! That’s not even close to what he feels that he should get!” Now…I’d ‘ve actually bet my life that can of gas would sell. Absolutely positive that…when that hammer fell… I would hear the auctioneer quite loudly yelling…“Sold”, And watch the proud new owner of that can of liquid gold… Complete with several bodyguards…go slinking from the room. But this was when the always-lurking, heartless hand of doom Swept across the auction floor, and took them by surprise. The seller - and the auctioneer - could not believe their eyes. All the while the priceless can had sat there - on display… Waiting for its record-breaking bid to end the day… It was slowly doing what would cause the place to reek! That - final can of gas in all the world……had sprung a leak! Beneath the can, the podium - all draped in shiny black - Had willingly accepted…from an undetected crack… Every ounce of gasoline that gallon can had held, While none had had the slightest clue - because of how it smelled! And though the stand looked soaking wet…the glossy drape did not… But…reaching out and squeezing it confirmed the bath it got! The seller could not be consoled. His lavish plans would wane. His chance for getting super rich had just gone…down the drain! To make things worse, the auctioneer walked up to where he sat, And said….“My stand - and drape - are ruined…you’ll have to pay for that!” PS: I've now got 4 new Audio-CDs - @ 4 1/2 hours each = (62 diversely varied pieces). They’re listed on EBAY - under - “Mark Stellinga Poetry” - or available by simply contacting me at -- mark@writerofbooks.com -- should those of you who enjoy listening to poems as well as reading them - and particularly those of you that travel - care to be so entertained. (We use safe and simple - PayPal) Cheers, Mark