The Funeral Tea

The sounds of the pipes and drums skirled still in my ears. I knew it was the kind of music that brought him to his knees in tears. "Sandwich?" "Sausage Roll?" Oh here we go again, that nosey little woman who lives at number ten. Swishing by in her twin set and pearls, butter wouldn't melt but I can smell the mixture of sweat and talcum powder. White dust covering the floor of my bathroom a memory I have from many years before. "Where was he when it happened?" "I didn't know he was ill". Well they know now don't they, my head still in a whirl. Funerals are such a strange occasion where we are all nice to those we've never kept in touch with for years, ok, so maybe that has been my fault, I do keep myself to myself a lot. I liked him you know, he was that man with the highly polished shoes, back straight, shirt and tie and fond of wearing blues. Mysterious at times he was, he struck me as being deep. Fought in wars he did, well, so I do believe. Not many here for him and him a war hero too. Far too many new people in the street, he was known by very few. That’s them, drinks out now, forget about the tea. The War Hero’s son is on a spending spree. Whisky, gin and vodka, the bowling club members are here, glasses are chinking and they’ve already had their beer. “He had a good turnout” “He’s at peace now and free” but all I keep thinking is what about me. What’s this life all about? Ok sometimes it’s sad but then again when I am out with my pals it can be happy a little bit mad. “Swing yer tights” was our catch phrase when dancing on the disco floor. Screaming at the disc jockey to play that Abba song just one time more. Black, it’s black everywhere, is that what it’s going to be, all I can think right now is what about me. What about me? Who will turn up at the crematorium door? What next for me, you know this funeral tea brings it all out in me. Makes me think, even if I have to put up with Mrs Tanner's stink. I've got it! Yes! Yes! A brilliant idea! It is, it is. I am going to leave instructions loud and clear. My headstone - it should read: Been there Done it Got the headstone For I’ve been here before.