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The First Time I Held Her

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The objective here was to describe a person you love AND the moment you first realized you loved them in exactly 50 words in a rhyming poem.

Here I'm trying to describe the first time I held my daughter, Lily. She was born on the 4th of July 8 years ago. I had Radiohead's "Pyramid Song" playing when I first got to hold her.

Any help or input is appreciated.

Floating through effervescent streams: Velvet memories rolling dreams - My past and future swimming by through doors revolving inner-space; Euphoric bubbles dance and fly, Mosaic splendors wearing lace, Cascading fireworks glint the eye, Elegant lilacs, flowing grace; ‘Pyramid Song’ still makes me cry - As first I saw her angel face.

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Sara Kendrick

Date: 10/5/2016 4:33:00 PM

In only ten lines you have created magic with this winner…Way to go poet friend..Congrats on you being in the winners’ list..Sara

John Hamilton

Date: 10/3/2016 9:01:00 AM

Congrats Phillip on your fine placement in a difficult contest! Love this poem!

Phillip Garcia
Date: 10/3/2016 9:57:00 AM

Thank you John! This remains as the poem I'm most proud to have written and it makes me smile to know an excellent writer as yourself is able to it.

Lu Loo

Date: 10/3/2016 2:40:00 AM

Phillip! I remember when I first read this beauty of a precious poem! Outstanding then and amazing again now. Glad I was able to read it again! congrats on your placement :)-luloo

Phillip Garcia
Date: 10/3/2016 10:00:00 AM

Thank you thank you - you contributed to it if I recall by assuring me it wasn't awful way back when I wrote it and I'm proud that it still has legs :)

Holly Bohto

Date: 8/15/2016 8:07:00 AM

You've nailed this one with presence and grace. Your evolving . Resistance is futile. You have been assimilated. You are now part of the collective (few)

Phillip Garcia
Date: 8/15/2016 8:35:00 AM

Thanks Holly. You're sweet for saying so and i appreciate it.

Holly Bohto

Date: 8/15/2016 8:03:00 AM

You've nailed this one with presence and grace. Your evolving . Resistance is futile. You have been assimilated. You are now part of the collective (few)

Lu Loo

Date: 8/15/2016 6:58:00 AM

Phillip, this is outstanding. A poem in 50 words is very hard to do and you did it remarkably. There's no greater love than a precious miracle from above :)-luloo

Probir Gupta

Date: 8/15/2016 6:07:00 AM

Aesthetically rich ... Read with pleasure ...

John Hamilton

Date: 8/15/2016 1:30:00 AM

Very beautiful poem, captures the feeling you were looking for exactly, I think, hard to tell I wasn't there lol. Seriously, this is excellent use of metaphor and great rhyme scheme, 49 words 10 lines 8 syllables each very well balanced, mission accomplished!!

Alexis Y.

Date: 8/15/2016 12:43:00 AM

Hi Phillip, I thoroughly enjoyed your use of metaphors to compose this piece. It flowed in content and rhymes. I saw a love and happiness that's not like no other. A feeling that surpasses words alone. It was a instant bond and connection-7:-) Alexis