Phillip Garcia Poet Rhyme

Notes About The Poem

The objective here was to describe a person you love AND the moment you first realized you loved them in exactly 50 words in a rhyming poem.

Here I'm trying to describe the first time I held my daughter, Lily.  She was born on the 4th of July 8 years ago.  I had Radiohead's "Pyramid Song" playing when I first got to hold her.  

Any help or input is appreciated.

The First Time I Held Her

Floating through effervescent streams:
    Velvet memories rolling dreams -

My past and future swimming by
  through doors revolving inner-space;
Euphoric bubbles dance and fly,
  Mosaic splendors wearing lace,
Cascading fireworks glint the eye,
  Elegant lilacs, flowing grace;

‘Pyramid Song’ still makes me cry -
     As first I saw her angel face.

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Sara Kendrick October 5, 2016 at 4:33 PM In only ten lines you have created magic with this winner…Way to go poet friend..Congrats on you being in the winners’ list..Sara

John Hamilton October 3, 2016 at 9:01 AM Congrats Phillip on your fine placement in a difficult contest! Love this poem! Phillip Garcia October 3, 2016 at 9:57 AM Thank you John! This remains as the poem I'm most proud to have written and it makes me smile to know an excellent writer as yourself is able to it.

Beautiful Scars October 3, 2016 at 2:40 AM Phillip! I remember when I first read this beauty of a precious poem! Outstanding then and amazing again now. Glad I was able to read it again! congrats on your placement :)-luloo Phillip Garcia October 3, 2016 at 10:00 AM Thank you thank you - you contributed to it if I recall by assuring me it wasn't awful way back when I wrote it and I'm proud that it still has legs :)

Holly Bohto August 15, 2016 at 8:07 AM You've nailed this one with presence and grace. Your evolving . Resistance is futile. You have been assimilated. You are now part of the collective (few) Phillip Garcia August 15, 2016 at 8:35 AM Thanks Holly. You're sweet for saying so and i appreciate it.

Holly Bohto August 15, 2016 at 8:03 AM You've nailed this one with presence and grace. Your evolving . Resistance is futile. You have been assimilated. You are now part of the collective (few)

Beautiful Scars August 15, 2016 at 6:58 AM Phillip, this is outstanding. A poem in 50 words is very hard to do and you did it remarkably. There's no greater love than a precious miracle from above :)-luloo

Probir Gupta August 15, 2016 at 6:07 AM Aesthetically rich ... Read with pleasure ...

John Hamilton August 15, 2016 at 1:30 AM Very beautiful poem, captures the feeling you were looking for exactly, I think, hard to tell I wasn't there lol. Seriously, this is excellent use of metaphor and great rhyme scheme, 49 words 10 lines 8 syllables each very well balanced, mission accomplished!!

Alexis Y. August 15, 2016 at 12:43 AM Hi Phillip, I thoroughly enjoyed your use of metaphors to compose this piece. It flowed in content and rhymes. I saw a love and happiness that's not like no other. A feeling that surpasses words alone. It was a instant bond and connection-7:-) Alexis