The Finer Points of Going Number Two
We’re lucky to have a math-whiz kid
And one day this is what he did.
He said we all know about going number two
Now I’ve sorted out the decimals too.
First, there’s the basic, number two
Which chiefly, is going to the loo
Yet there should be a, two-point-one
Which is not flushing when you’re done
Or how about a, two-point-two
That’s when the bowl needs a cleaning, when through
He blushed when citing, two-point-three
Which is when the seat is damp with wee
And nobody forgets old, two-point-four
Which is when you’re scared to open the door.
Our son doesn’t like, two-point-five a lot
As when it takes much longer than you thought
Personally I’m a, two-point-six hater
Which is when you can’t find more toilet paper
My wife says, two-point-seven is worse
As in going again-like you need to rehearse?!
And, two-point-eight is never a breeze
As in squatting amongst the trees.
But the clincher of all is, two-point-nine
Which below is briefly defined
That’s when after flushing
The water keeps gushing
And it never stops
When it reaches the top
Which is bad when alone
But you’re not in your home
And your feet are now wet
Coz there’s no plunger to get
So you search for some towels
But there’s pain in your bowels
You then splash on the floor
Then someone’s at the door
He asks, “What’s the matter?”
As you clutch your bladder
So you call out to the guy
“In a minute”, you lie
As you turn off the water
You then need one more squatter
So you go one more time
But can’t flush down the slime
So out the window you climb
As quietly as a mime
Coz you can’t face this crime
And disperse covered in grime.
Our son hoped we enjoyed the overview
Of the finer points that follow, going number two.
Poem is from 2013
Copyright © David Fisher | Year Posted 2013
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