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The Evacuee

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Thanks to Andrea Dietrich for her advice in getting my first sentence correct for my first enjambment poem.

With your teary eyes fixed on me we walked to the station; your little hand glued firmly to mine. No words passed between us – just a deathly silence as the train arrived. We tightly embrace; my heart was breaking but I smiled; said I would see you again soon, with your teary eyes fixed on me 10~22~14 Contest 8 lines 7 words enjambment Sponsor Rick Parise ~awarded 3rd place~

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Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/5/2014 3:49:00 PM

SO WELL DONE, my friend. Very deserving of a high placement. Congrats and I wish I could see more of your poetry. I just cannot keep up monday through WEdnesday when I am home with Joe most of the time. I don't want him gone, but wow, my thursday to Saturdays give me a lot more time for Soup!!!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/5/2014 3:56:00 PM

Thanks so much Andrea for helping me with the flow of the first line so you share the honour with me my friend:-) You Rock!!! hugs Jan xxx

Theresa Stephens

Date: 11/4/2014 4:41:00 AM

Hi Jan, Congratulations on your super win. Wonderful, descriptive phrasing. Deserved first place! xx

Jan Allison
Date: 11/4/2014 11:51:00 AM

Aww Theresa that is such a kind thing to say - its my first attempt at this form so I was delighted to get placed at all:-) Hugs Jan xx

Brenda Meier-Hans

Date: 11/3/2014 10:53:00 AM

Dropping back with my congratulations Jan. I'm happy to see your win!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 11:35:00 AM

Thanks so much Brenda. I was thrilled as its my first attempt at this form:) Hugs Jan xx

Tim Smith

Date: 11/3/2014 9:13:00 AM

Congrats Jan on this great win....hugs Tim

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 9:28:00 AM

Thanks so much Tim:-) Hugs Jan xxx

Dr. Upma A. Sharma

Date: 11/3/2014 8:56:00 AM

Congrats on ur winning awesome write Jan! Great work!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 8:59:00 AM

Many thanks Kayod5

Kayod5 Kayode

Date: 11/3/2014 7:28:00 AM

Congrats Jan on this win with this classy one.

Seren Roberts

Date: 11/3/2014 6:22:00 AM

Lovely write Jan...Seren

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 8:56:00 AM

Thanks so much Seren :-) Hugs Jan xx

S.Jagathsimhan Nair

Date: 11/2/2014 11:17:00 PM

A sad moment of life captured splendidly, Jan. Congrats.

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 2:05:00 AM

Thanks so much for your lovely comment:-) Hugs Jan x

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 11/2/2014 9:57:00 PM

So happy to see this amazing write high on the list of winners. Congratulations Jan.

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 2:04:00 AM

thanks so much Maurice hugs Jan xx

Sandra Haight

Date: 11/2/2014 6:32:00 PM

Hi Jan, I missed reading your poem before. It is very beautifully written - a wonderful enjambment poem. Congratulations on your high win on this one! Hugs, Sandra

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 2:04:00 AM

Thanks Sandra I can only imagine how hard it was for both the parent and child:-( Hugs Jan x

Barbara Gorelick

Date: 11/2/2014 6:11:00 PM

I have read quite a bit about that time ..you wrote about it beautifully even though it was hard to read. Congrats. BG

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 2:03:00 AM

Thanks Barbara:-) Hugs Jan xx

Pandita Sietesantos

Date: 11/2/2014 4:31:00 PM

Beautiful write - excellent enjambment! Congratulations, Jan on a well-deserved win! Pandita

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 4:33:00 PM

Thanks so much Pandita:-) My mum was evacuated during the war and the poem was inspired by a book I am reading with a student at school:-) Hugs Jan xx

Joseph May

Date: 11/2/2014 2:58:00 PM

Lovely write Jan...Congrats on your win

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 3:01:00 PM

Many thanks Joseph:-) I do appreciate you taking time to comment on my poem:-) hugs Jan xx

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 11/2/2014 2:23:00 PM

Passing away, passing on, leaving Fall does make us think of this, yes?Congrad's Light & Love

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 2:57:00 PM

Thanks for the lovely comment Debbie:-) Hugs Jan xx

Sara Kendrick

Date: 11/2/2014 2:09:00 PM

Great job with only a little help..Enjoyed reading your winning work..Congrats..Sara

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 2:56:00 PM

Thanks Sara:-) It was my first attempt at this form - Andrea advised me to turn a couple of words around in the first and final lines and it flowed so much better - I am so grateful for her help and advice - she is simply awesome! Hugs jan xxx

Brenda Meier-Hans

Date: 10/23/2014 9:02:00 PM

This turned out beautifully Jan. It's so heartbreaking.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/24/2014 2:59:00 AM

Thank Brenda I am so pleased with the response I'm getting :-) Hugs Jan xx

Liam Mcdaid

Date: 10/23/2014 2:45:00 PM

this is so sad beautiful and touching excellent pen jan

Jan Allison
Date: 10/23/2014 2:48:00 PM

Thank you so much Liam:-) hugs jan xxx

Russell Sivey

Date: 10/22/2014 10:44:00 PM

Wow, this poem is so vivid and touching! I really enjoyed reading this tremendous and enlightening write this evening! I've been away from the Soup for too long, I've missed some wonderful poetry such as this! What a brilliant piece my friend! I really love this amazing write Jan! Great Work!!

Jan Allison
Date: 10/23/2014 4:03:00 AM

Russell its lovely to see you back my friend:-) thank you for the lovely comment:-) hugs jan xxx

Fabiyas M V

Date: 10/22/2014 8:43:00 PM

Very touching, Jan Allison. Besides, the train is a good imagery in your poem.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/23/2014 4:02:00 AM

Many thanks Fabiyas:-) hugs Jan xxx

Terry O'Leary

Date: 10/22/2014 4:24:00 PM

Poignant image... excellent!!

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2014 4:28:00 PM

Many hanks for the lovely comment:-) hugs jan xxx

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 10/22/2014 3:05:00 PM

So sad and tender, is it a young child you are putting on the train. I don't need to know exact details the feelings are more than clear in this write. This is the best I have read. The flow is immaculate, the story vivid, the imagery flawless and I am adding this to my favs.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2014 3:24:00 PM

Thank you so much for the lovely comment. i do reading with a student every morning and her current book is about a youn child being evacuated so it was on my mind. Mum was evacuated to Bristol - she had the most amazing time - the lady had no children of her own and became a second mum as hers had died when she was 9 - she still has such vivid memories of it:-) Hugs jan xxx

Tim Smith

Date: 10/22/2014 8:00:00 AM

Wow this is great Jan...it flows so well...guess we'll be fighting for second....hugs Tim

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2014 8:13:00 AM

I was pleased with my first attempt - Andrea gave me great advice to get the first line correct just a matter of switching a couple of words round - am learning something new every day :-)Hugs Jan xxx

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 10/22/2014 7:23:00 AM

Charmingly tender and sweet, dear Jan, Good luck on the contest! Hugs xx

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2014 7:29:00 AM

Thanks Demetrios On Monday I was reading a book with a student about evacuation and war so I got the idea from that:-) Hugs Jan xx