Home » Poems » Jan Allison » The Evacuee

Jan Allison | + Follow Poet |

The Evacuee

Poet's Notes

(Show)

Become a Premium Member and post notes and photos about your poem like Jan Allison.

Thanks to Andrea Dietrich for her advice in getting my first sentence correct for my first enjambment poem.

With your teary eyes fixed on me we walked to the station; your little hand glued firmly to mine. No words passed between us – just a deathly silence as the train arrived. We tightly embrace; my heart was breaking but I smiled; said I would see you again soon, with your teary eyes fixed on me 10~22~14 Contest 8 lines 7 words enjambment Sponsor Rick Parise ~awarded 3rd place~

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/5/2014 3:49:00 PM

SO WELL DONE, my friend. Very deserving of a high placement. Congrats and I wish I could see more of your poetry. I just cannot keep up monday through WEdnesday when I am home with Joe most of the time. I don't want him gone, but wow, my thursday to Saturdays give me a lot more time for Soup!!!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/5/2014 3:56:00 PM

Thanks so much Andrea for helping me with the flow of the first line so you share the honour with me my friend:-) You Rock!!! hugs Jan xxx

Theresa Stephens

Date: 11/4/2014 4:41:00 AM

Hi Jan, Congratulations on your super win. Wonderful, descriptive phrasing. Deserved first place! xx

Jan Allison
Date: 11/4/2014 11:51:00 AM

Aww Theresa that is such a kind thing to say - its my first attempt at this form so I was delighted to get placed at all:-) Hugs Jan xx

Brenda Meier-Hans

Date: 11/3/2014 10:53:00 AM

Dropping back with my congratulations Jan. I'm happy to see your win!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 11:35:00 AM

Thanks so much Brenda. I was thrilled as its my first attempt at this form:) Hugs Jan xx

Tim Smith

Date: 11/3/2014 9:13:00 AM

Congrats Jan on this great win....hugs Tim

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 9:28:00 AM

Thanks so much Tim:-) Hugs Jan xxx

Dr. Upma A. Sharma

Date: 11/3/2014 8:56:00 AM

Congrats on ur winning awesome write Jan! Great work!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 8:59:00 AM

Many thanks Kayod5

Kayod5 Kayode

Date: 11/3/2014 7:28:00 AM

Congrats Jan on this win with this classy one.

Seren Roberts

Date: 11/3/2014 6:22:00 AM

Lovely write Jan...Seren

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 8:56:00 AM

Thanks so much Seren :-) Hugs Jan xx

S.Jagathsimhan Nair

Date: 11/2/2014 11:17:00 PM

A sad moment of life captured splendidly, Jan. Congrats.

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 2:05:00 AM

Thanks so much for your lovely comment:-) Hugs Jan x

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 11/2/2014 9:57:00 PM

So happy to see this amazing write high on the list of winners. Congratulations Jan.

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 2:04:00 AM

thanks so much Maurice hugs Jan xx

Sandra Haight

Date: 11/2/2014 6:32:00 PM

Hi Jan, I missed reading your poem before. It is very beautifully written - a wonderful enjambment poem. Congratulations on your high win on this one! Hugs, Sandra

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 2:04:00 AM

Thanks Sandra I can only imagine how hard it was for both the parent and child:-( Hugs Jan x

Barbara Gorelick

Date: 11/2/2014 6:11:00 PM

I have read quite a bit about that time ..you wrote about it beautifully even though it was hard to read. Congrats. BG

Jan Allison
Date: 11/3/2014 2:03:00 AM

Thanks Barbara:-) Hugs Jan xx

Pandita Sietesantos

Date: 11/2/2014 4:31:00 PM

Beautiful write - excellent enjambment! Congratulations, Jan on a well-deserved win! Pandita

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 4:33:00 PM

Thanks so much Pandita:-) My mum was evacuated during the war and the poem was inspired by a book I am reading with a student at school:-) Hugs Jan xx

Joseph May

Date: 11/2/2014 2:58:00 PM

Lovely write Jan...Congrats on your win

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 3:01:00 PM

Many thanks Joseph:-) I do appreciate you taking time to comment on my poem:-) hugs Jan xx

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 11/2/2014 2:23:00 PM

Passing away, passing on, leaving Fall does make us think of this, yes?Congrad's Light & Love

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 2:57:00 PM

Thanks for the lovely comment Debbie:-) Hugs Jan xx

Sara Kendrick

Date: 11/2/2014 2:09:00 PM

Great job with only a little help..Enjoyed reading your winning work..Congrats..Sara

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 2:56:00 PM

Thanks Sara:-) It was my first attempt at this form - Andrea advised me to turn a couple of words around in the first and final lines and it flowed so much better - I am so grateful for her help and advice - she is simply awesome! Hugs jan xxx

Rick Parise

Date: 11/2/2014 12:37:00 PM

I see the picture. Heavy emotions with resonating moments quickly fleeting.......Holding fast, CONGRATS!!!!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/2/2014 2:02:00 PM

Wow thank you so much for my high placement Rick - I am delighted:-) Hugs Jan xx

Brenda Meier-Hans

Date: 10/23/2014 9:02:00 PM

This turned out beautifully Jan. It's so heartbreaking.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/24/2014 2:59:00 AM

Thank Brenda I am so pleased with the response I'm getting :-) Hugs Jan xx

Liam Mcdaid

Date: 10/23/2014 2:45:00 PM

this is so sad beautiful and touching excellent pen jan

Jan Allison
Date: 10/23/2014 2:48:00 PM

Thank you so much Liam:-) hugs jan xxx

Russell Sivey

Date: 10/22/2014 10:44:00 PM

Wow, this poem is so vivid and touching! I really enjoyed reading this tremendous and enlightening write this evening! I've been away from the Soup for too long, I've missed some wonderful poetry such as this! What a brilliant piece my friend! I really love this amazing write Jan! Great Work!!

Jan Allison
Date: 10/23/2014 4:03:00 AM

Russell its lovely to see you back my friend:-) thank you for the lovely comment:-) hugs jan xxx

Fabiyas M V

Date: 10/22/2014 8:43:00 PM

Very touching, Jan Allison. Besides, the train is a good imagery in your poem.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/23/2014 4:02:00 AM

Many thanks Fabiyas:-) hugs Jan xxx

Terry O'Leary

Date: 10/22/2014 4:24:00 PM

Poignant image... excellent!!

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2014 4:28:00 PM

Many hanks for the lovely comment:-) hugs jan xxx

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 10/22/2014 3:05:00 PM

So sad and tender, is it a young child you are putting on the train. I don't need to know exact details the feelings are more than clear in this write. This is the best I have read. The flow is immaculate, the story vivid, the imagery flawless and I am adding this to my favs.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2014 3:24:00 PM

Thank you so much for the lovely comment. i do reading with a student every morning and her current book is about a youn child being evacuated so it was on my mind. Mum was evacuated to Bristol - she had the most amazing time - the lady had no children of her own and became a second mum as hers had died when she was 9 - she still has such vivid memories of it:-) Hugs jan xxx

Tim Smith

Date: 10/22/2014 8:00:00 AM

Wow this is great Jan...it flows so well...guess we'll be fighting for second....hugs Tim

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2014 8:13:00 AM

I was pleased with my first attempt - Andrea gave me great advice to get the first line correct just a matter of switching a couple of words round - am learning something new every day :-)Hugs Jan xxx

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 10/22/2014 7:23:00 AM

Charmingly tender and sweet, dear Jan, Good luck on the contest! Hugs xx

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2014 7:29:00 AM

Thanks Demetrios On Monday I was reading a book with a student about evacuation and war so I got the idea from that:-) Hugs Jan xx