Tears On a Photo

I was 1 and a half in the photograph of you holding me You looked bored, like you couldn't wait to let go of me I shed a few tears on the photo, then ripped it up and haven't looked back since Thank you for being a coward so I could find my own strength Why should I miss you, when you couldn't even do the basics? You let me go days without food, and had me walking around naked You were too busy drinking to dress me and give me any of your time When I was crying my eyes out as a baby, you ignored me and acted like I was fine You and mum left me home alone when I was 2 and didn't put a guard on the fireplace I almost burned myself, but my sister walked through the door in time to pull me away A little boy, Who was cold, and crying because he was hungry and scared But you spent all your money on alcohol so food wasn't there The neighbours called social services when I was 4, As they feared for my safety They paid a visit but for some reason they didn't take me They lost my file and neglected me for the next 3 years Age 7, after more calls, they really realized I shouldn't be there They had to pay me compensation at 18 for forgetting they were supposed to protect me Not sure which hurts more, The fact you didn't care, or social services chose to neglect me 27 foster families between age 7-11, I got contact with you 6 times a year Most contacts dates I didn't get to see you, because you turned up blind from beer Passed around foster families, you and mum not turning up, is it any wonder I was feeling alone? A month before I turned 12, I got moved into a children's home Every single day I dreamed that you would put the drink down and take me to play football You had the number to contact me, but never even bothered to call 5 days before I turned 15, You died and I didn't feel sadness I felt nothing, thinking I should be heartbroken, this is madness In those 15 years, you never gave me any advice, not even a kiss No hugs, nothing, so there was nothing for me to miss I got R.I.P dad tattooed on my arm, to pay my respects People told me I had to forgive you, because of your death But the only good thing that I found Is that now you have a legitimate reason for not being around February was 10 years since you died, but I've gone 25 years without you in my life I'm supposed to miss you and be really sad But you valued alcohol more than you did me, So I had to become my own Dad