Gregory Richard Barden | + Follow Poet |
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Survivor of Self

I am a human being

And we are survivors by nature ...
Everyone we meet is fighting a battle of some kind
And life itself
For each of us

Is a series of battles ...
To be able to draw breath each day
To be able to widen our eyes to a new morn and face it head-on
To be able to move, work, learn, love, fight, and even play

Is to be a survivor.
This world places conflicts in our path
Forces us to face our fears
Makes us strive to overcome and develop on a daily basis ...

Even love itself is combat
An intense combat between the heart and the mind
And it's one that takes no prisoners.
We are all bruised by these skirmishes in life

We all carry deep scars, visible and not
We are all shell-shocked by the trials and relationships we struggle with
And some of us
Like me

Make things even MORE difficult ...
Some of us end up abusing ourselves
On top of all the OTHER hostilities the world sends our way
(As if those aren't enough) ...

Yes, I am a survivor, by default
Just by being a part of the Human Race
But the worst thing I have had to survive
Is MYSELF ...

I spent over 30 years
Putting poisons into my body that I KNEW were killing me
Creating a battleground that stopped my heart and nearly claimed my life
Inflicting wounds upon myself, (and those I loved), that were invisible

But that were deeper than any other I had known or imagined
With a blade as sharp and insidious as any sword
And oh, so deftly wielded ...
I became an expert with that blade

And I cleaved every precious thing from my existence, just so ...
One-by-one, I thrust the dagger deep, and twisted
My job, my house and comforts, my marriage, my family, and even my health
Every and each, run clean through and hewn from the tree of success

All for the sake of a substance and a feeling
All for a two-faced demon called "Euphoria"
And an escape from reality and pain.
Yes, I am a survivor

But I am NOT proud of it
Because it was a war I created on my own
And a battle I never needed to fight
A battle of avoidance

And insanity.





~ 1st Place ~  in the "I'm A Survivor Poetry Contest", Julie Rodeheaver, Judge & Sponsor.

Copyright © Gregory Richard Barden | Year Posted 2017

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Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart Date: 9/16/2017 7:16:00 AM Back to congratulate :) xomo! Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 9/16/2017 7:31:00 AM Thanks so much, Maureen! :-)

Richard Lamoureux Date: 9/3/2017 9:13:00 AM A very moving piece. Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 9/16/2017 7:31:00 AM Thank you, Richard - much appreciated!

Sonia Walker Date: 8/30/2017 10:39:00 AM Greg, an amazing poem on survival. You are a survivor! Congratulations on your winning entry. ~ Sonia Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 9/1/2017 10:47:00 PM Thank you, Sonia ... I have had other hardships beyond what I've dealt myself, but I needed to share this, and it was cathartic in doing so. Blessings to you, friend! :-)

Karen Croft Date: 8/30/2017 8:25:00 AM Wow. what an amazing poem to read! Thank you very much for your kind comment on my poetry. I appreciate it!! Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 9/1/2017 10:46:00 PM Thank you very much, Karen - and you are very welcome! Blessings to you! :-)

Teddy Kimathi Date: 8/30/2017 7:42:00 AM As with the rest, this is a powerful piece indeed! Congrats Greg, for your well-deserved top placement in the contest! ;-) Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 9/1/2017 10:45:00 PM Thank you very much, Teddy, I greatly appreciate that ... blessings, friend!

Subimal Sinha-Roy Date: 8/29/2017 10:51:00 PM Congratulations, Greg. So insightful. Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:42:00 PM Thank you so much, Subimal - I greatly appreciate that, Friend! :-)

Vijay Pandit Date: 8/29/2017 8:52:00 PM Returning with congrats, Greg! Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:41:00 PM Thank you, Brother!

Agnes Krampe Date: 8/29/2017 8:46:00 PM That is a very brave and powerful poem, Greg. You are a survivor, and I think you *can* be proud of that. Congrats on your win. Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:41:00 PM Thank you SO very much, Agnes, that's very sweet of you, my friend - blessings and love to you for your kind words ... you are always so nice to me! :-)

Frederic Parker Date: 8/29/2017 1:58:00 PM my mother once told me when I was a child that the only thing I needed to fear was taking my next breath, it was a saying I've used many times to keep my sanity...glad to see you have grown into a very wise man... Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:40:00 PM ... if we can't have a successful relationship with ourselves, how can we expect any OTHER relationships to succeed? I wanted to be a good father, so being good to myself was the first step. Blessings, Friend - thank you! Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:39:00 PM Very kind thanks, My Friend, and I love that saying - it is a quote with which to survive by! She was a very wise woman ... it was something my mother taught me that finally turned me around, (along with nearly dying), about learning to love MYSELF, before I can effectively love anyone else ...

Sunlite Wanter Date: 8/29/2017 12:11:00 PM A very courageous writing. I love the bridge, too - crossing over. Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:32:00 PM Thank you VERY much, SW - yes, and there's a little light there on the other side! Blessings, Friend! :-) <3

Russell Sivey Date: 8/29/2017 11:02:00 AM Hi Greg, this is Russell's wife typing in for Russell. I don't think you know, but he fell and broke his back in two places. He's doing better, but is in a lot of pain, as he doesn't want to take much opiates, he hates the way it makes him feel. I have to say that this poem got to him. He said for me to comment, "This is an awesome write Greg, my friend. I felt the pain of your words immediately and throughout your poem. I am a survivor too, in many ways, it's nice to hear your work again." :) Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:30:00 PM Thank you so much - I sent a private message so I will just say here that I'm praying for you, Friend, and so happy that you DISLIKE the feeling opioids give you - my problem was created by liking it too much. Blessings, Buddy! <3

Kim Rodrigues Date: 8/29/2017 8:23:00 AM Open the heart, let the healing begin! Nicely crafted! GL in contest, Greg! Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:28:00 PM Thank you, Kim, very sweet of you - Blessings! :-)

Heidi Sands Date: 8/29/2017 7:06:00 AM This is an outstanding poem filled with truth and very good messages. Although regardless of what has happened, it is still ok to be proud of being a survivor! Also every day is a choice to start new, do things differently and find joy. Take care :) Good luck in the contest! Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:26:00 PM Thank you, Heidi ... I'm happy that I'm still here and no longer abusing myself, (or a substance), but certainly not proud of what I did - saying I'm proud of surviving myself just doesn't feel like any kind of victory, but rather something that should not have happened in the first place ... sort of like playing Russian Roulette and being thankful that you had an empty chamber. Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:26:00 PM I KNOW there's a positive reason why I'm still here, however, and maybe it's THIS - sharing with poetry and touching others' hearts - maybe to the point of helping another. Bless you, my friend! <3

Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart Date: 8/29/2017 6:14:00 AM Stellar gripping honest eloquent succinct. Big hug. xomo Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:17:00 PM Thank you very much, Maureen - hugs right back, Friend! :-)

Vijay Pandit Date: 8/29/2017 5:17:00 AM So beautifully written--a good message as well--I am cheering for you to win! Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 11:09:00 PM Thanks, Vijay, I so appreciate that, my friend! :-)

Anne-Lise Andresen Date: 8/29/2017 4:06:00 AM - Greg, a fantastic writing! - "We all carry deep scars, visible and not" ... so true - Good luck in the contest - hugs // Anne-Lise :) Login to Reply Gregory Richard Barden Date: 8/29/2017 4:18:00 AM Thank you so very much, Anne-Lise - that's so sweet of you! Really pleased you like it ... it's a bit revealing, but my past is my past, and it's what got me here, all of it. Blessings, friend! <3