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Survivor of Self

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I am a human being And we are survivors by nature ... Everyone we meet is fighting a battle of some kind And life itself For each of us Is a series of battles ... To be able to draw breath each day To be able to widen our eyes to a new morn and face it head-on To be able to move, work, learn, love, fight, and even play Is to be a survivor. This world places conflicts in our path Forces us to face our fears Makes us strive to overcome and develop on a daily basis ... Even love itself is combat An intense combat between the heart and the mind And it's one that takes no prisoners. We are all bruised by these skirmishes in life We all carry deep scars, visible and not We are all shell-shocked by the trials and relationships we struggle with And some of us Like me Make things even MORE difficult ... Some of us end up abusing ourselves On top of all the OTHER hostilities the world sends our way (As if those aren't enough) ... Yes, I am a survivor, by default Just by being a part of the Human Race But the worst thing I have had to survive Is MYSELF ... I spent over 30 years Putting poisons into my body that I KNEW were killing me Creating a battleground that stopped my heart and nearly claimed my life Inflicting wounds upon myself, (and those I loved), that were invisible But that were deeper than any other I had known or imagined With a blade as sharp and insidious as any sword And oh, so deftly wielded ... I became an expert with that blade And I cleaved every precious thing from my existence, just so ... One-by-one, I thrust the dagger deep, and twisted My job, my house and comforts, my marriage, my family, and even my health Every and each, run clean through and hewn from the tree of success All for the sake of a substance and a feeling All for a two-faced demon called "Euphoria" And an escape from reality and pain. Yes, I am a survivor But I am NOT proud of it Because it was a war I created on my own And a battle I never needed to fight A battle of avoidance And insanity. ~ 1st Place ~ in the "I'm A Survivor Poetry Contest", Julie Rodeheaver, Judge & Sponsor.

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Maureen Mcgreavy

Date: 9/16/2017 7:16:00 AM

Back to congratulate :) xomo!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 9/16/2017 7:31:00 AM

Thanks so much, Maureen! :-)

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 9/3/2017 9:13:00 AM

A very moving piece.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 9/16/2017 7:31:00 AM

Thank you, Richard - much appreciated!

Sonia Walker

Date: 8/30/2017 10:39:00 AM

Greg, an amazing poem on survival. You are a survivor! Congratulations on your winning entry. ~ Sonia

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 9/1/2017 10:47:00 PM

Thank you, Sonia ... I have had other hardships beyond what I've dealt myself, but I needed to share this, and it was cathartic in doing so. Blessings to you, friend! :-)

Karen Croft

Date: 8/30/2017 8:25:00 AM

Wow. what an amazing poem to read! Thank you very much for your kind comment on my poetry. I appreciate it!!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 9/1/2017 10:46:00 PM

Thank you very much, Karen - and you are very welcome! Blessings to you! :-)

Teddy Kimathi

Date: 8/30/2017 7:42:00 AM

As with the rest, this is a powerful piece indeed! Congrats Greg, for your well-deserved top placement in the contest! ;-)

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 9/1/2017 10:45:00 PM

Thank you very much, Teddy, I greatly appreciate that ... blessings, friend!

Subimal Sinha-Roy

Date: 8/29/2017 10:51:00 PM

Congratulations, Greg. So insightful.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:42:00 PM

Thank you so much, Subimal - I greatly appreciate that, Friend! :-)

Vijay Pandit

Date: 8/29/2017 8:52:00 PM

Returning with congrats, Greg!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:41:00 PM

Thank you, Brother!

Agnes Krampe

Date: 8/29/2017 8:46:00 PM

That is a very brave and powerful poem, Greg. You are a survivor, and I think you *can* be proud of that. Congrats on your win.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:41:00 PM

Thank you SO very much, Agnes, that's very sweet of you, my friend - blessings and love to you for your kind words ... you are always so nice to me! :-)

Frederic Parker

Date: 8/29/2017 1:58:00 PM

my mother once told me when I was a child that the only thing I needed to fear was taking my next breath, it was a saying I've used many times to keep my sanity...glad to see you have grown into a very wise man...

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:40:00 PM

... if we can't have a successful relationship with ourselves, how can we expect any OTHER relationships to succeed? I wanted to be a good father, so being good to myself was the first step. Blessings, Friend - thank you!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:39:00 PM

Very kind thanks, My Friend, and I love that saying - it is a quote with which to survive by! She was a very wise woman ... it was something my mother taught me that finally turned me around, (along with nearly dying), about learning to love MYSELF, before I can effectively love anyone else ...

Sunlite Wanter

Date: 8/29/2017 12:11:00 PM

A very courageous writing. I love the bridge, too - crossing over.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:32:00 PM

Thank you VERY much, SW - yes, and there's a little light there on the other side! Blessings, Friend! :-) <3

Russell Sivey

Date: 8/29/2017 11:02:00 AM

Hi Greg, this is Russell's wife typing in for Russell. I don't think you know, but he fell and broke his back in two places. He's doing better, but is in a lot of pain, as he doesn't want to take much opiates, he hates the way it makes him feel. I have to say that this poem got to him. He said for me to comment, "This is an awesome write Greg, my friend. I felt the pain of your words immediately and throughout your poem. I am a survivor too, in many ways, it's nice to hear your work again." :)

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:30:00 PM

Thank you so much - I sent a private message so I will just say here that I'm praying for you, Friend, and so happy that you DISLIKE the feeling opioids give you - my problem was created by liking it too much. Blessings, Buddy! <3

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 8/29/2017 8:23:00 AM

Open the heart, let the healing begin! Nicely crafted! GL in contest, Greg!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:28:00 PM

Thank you, Kim, very sweet of you - Blessings! :-)

Heidi Sands

Date: 8/29/2017 7:06:00 AM

This is an outstanding poem filled with truth and very good messages. Although regardless of what has happened, it is still ok to be proud of being a survivor! Also every day is a choice to start new, do things differently and find joy. Take care :) Good luck in the contest!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:26:00 PM

Thank you, Heidi ... I'm happy that I'm still here and no longer abusing myself, (or a substance), but certainly not proud of what I did - saying I'm proud of surviving myself just doesn't feel like any kind of victory, but rather something that should not have happened in the first place ... sort of like playing Russian Roulette and being thankful that you had an empty chamber.

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:26:00 PM

I KNOW there's a positive reason why I'm still here, however, and maybe it's THIS - sharing with poetry and touching others' hearts - maybe to the point of helping another. Bless you, my friend! <3

Maureen Mcgreavy

Date: 8/29/2017 6:14:00 AM

Stellar gripping honest eloquent succinct. Big hug. xomo

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:17:00 PM

Thank you very much, Maureen - hugs right back, Friend! :-)

Vijay Pandit

Date: 8/29/2017 5:17:00 AM

So beautifully written--a good message as well--I am cheering for you to win!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 11:09:00 PM

Thanks, Vijay, I so appreciate that, my friend! :-)

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 8/29/2017 4:06:00 AM

- Greg, a fantastic writing! - "We all carry deep scars, visible and not" ... so true - Good luck in the contest - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 8/29/2017 4:18:00 AM

Thank you so very much, Anne-Lise - that's so sweet of you! Really pleased you like it ... it's a bit revealing, but my past is my past, and it's what got me here, all of it. Blessings, friend! <3