Survival Mode Isn'T the Best Coping Mechanism, It Turns Out

if you could last a day inside the body of the lovesick-shell of a human i turn into when i'm in love i would applaud you allow me to show you a preview first: as one might think loving someone and being in love are two vastly different experiences whereas no matter how hard i try to avoid it and no matter what outer influence tries to intervene once my heart decides it loves a person much to my demise and almost involuntarily i will love you until my chest plate cracks and shatters and my heart is hopelessly, yet hopefully crawling towards you if you were born into the hurricane you learn to chase them you learn to put yourself inside the eye, because you’re strong enough to withstand it and you know it you’re confused between boredom and peace so you opt for danger instead because you don’t know how to love outside of the whirlwind because what else do you know? stuck in a loop of coming up with scenarios of what the future might hold. coming up with an imaginary child that you love with your beating heart thinking about how absolutely gut wrenching it would feel to watch her feel and think and hurt the way you are right now baby doesn’t deserve that you don’t deserve that so why would you have baby in a situation with somebody that makes you feel like you're standing in the eye of a hurricane? because there was once sunlight and there was once peace and there will be again soon. right?