Riley Asher Nortje Poet Free verse

Survival Mode Isn'T the Best Coping Mechanism, It Turns Out

if you could last a day inside the body of 
the lovesick-shell of a human 
i turn into when i'm in love
i would applaud you

allow me to show you a preview first:

as one might think 
loving someone and being in love are 
two vastly different experiences 
whereas 
no matter how hard i try to avoid it
and no matter what outer influence tries to intervene 
once my heart decides it loves a person
much to my demise and almost involuntarily 
i will love you until my chest plate cracks
and shatters
and my heart is 
hopelessly, yet hopefully
crawling towards you 

if you were born into the hurricane
you learn to chase them 
you learn to put yourself inside the eye,
because you’re strong enough to withstand it and you know it
you’re confused between boredom and peace so you opt for danger instead
because you don’t know how to love outside of the whirlwind 
because what else do you know? 

stuck in a loop of coming up with scenarios of what the future might hold.
coming up with an imaginary child that you love with your beating heart 
thinking about how absolutely gut wrenching it would feel to watch her 
feel and think and hurt
the way you are right now 

baby doesn’t deserve that 
you don’t deserve that 
so why would you have baby in a situation with somebody that makes you feel like 
you're standing in the eye of a hurricane? 

because there was once sunlight 
and there was once peace 
and there will be again soon. 

right?

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Vickey Rhymer January 30, 2023 at 3:11 PM Yes sir ,that's one heck of a description of love there Riley.Just a thought to ponder if you allow yourself to evaporate into thin air who does your beloved get to love?Should this write be poetic in tone alone with no basis in reality I would say well versed.Should it be drawn from your own experience I would say you my friend are that imagined child held aloft with no boundary in sight.Love you and work outwardly.Have a decisive year. Riley Asher Nortje January 31, 2023 at 12:25 AM Hi Vickey! This is a poem based around the perspective of someone with borderline personality disorder. As someone that struggles with BPD, love and relationships is exceptionally difficult. Evaporating into thin air isn't always voluntary, it's somewhat a defense mechanism from living in survival mode. It's years of watching the relationships that formed my perception of love/relationships start to crumble and burn, navigating things thereafter, is what I imagine an emotional tornado is like. :)