Stuck In the Abysmal State

Ah at last I am at my home; feels a bit empty yet nowhere to roam  As I pace around wondering what to do; this place is full of lies you have no clue  I could play a game or turn on the television; but I'm so alone I can barely make a decision  These are true feelings for I can never lie; I feel so alone I wish I could just die  Pulses surging through my brain; nothing to do and nothing to gain  As I sit here typing whatever comes to mind; all the thoughts I gather are rather unkind  Time is slipping by ever so fast; I just wish I had a relationship that could last  So unstable as I sit here and rot; I seem to bring it to myself in this web I am caught  Spinning in circles I can barely see a thing, yet I am focused on a rather dangerous fling  Should I do it now and end this madness of despair or be sucked into the abysmal suffrage that my mind prepared  I can't keep on living if life is just a waste of time; only fading memories and cosmic gritty grime  I am a mess there is no doubt; it's not fair to try figuring what this life is all about  Sucked in this black hole stuck at the event horizon; all that was ever good tends to fly in  Leaving behind a trail of hate; I know that for some it is hard to relate  I am stuck in a vortex which can never let me go; tossing me around and keeping me down below  Save me from myself for I am a ticking time bomb; my emotions explode for I am not calm