Annie Katz Poet Free verse

Stay

I've gotten better 

Or so I thought

Cuz suddenly the words

I'm not okay 

And

I want to die

Left my mouth

Which is weird

Because I thought I was better 

But that's not a thing right

It doesn't get better

It only gets worse

And this is just the beginning 

I dont deserve to he here

I lie

I cheat

I steal

I'm selfish

So if I do all those things

Why am I here

Why do I exist

If I'm being honest

This words is better without me in it

So why do I stay

Why do I put myself thru life

Because suicide is selfish 

You think it'll only effect you

But when you die

You have to look down

And see your loved ones mourning you

Your mom and dad crying

Thinking we should have known

My sibling crying 

Thinking there all alone

My grandparents crying 

Thinking why did this happened

My dad crying 

Because he will never get to walk be down the aisle like we always talked about

My mom crying 

Because she'll think it's her fault

My grandmother crying

Yelling “mamala”

My grandfather crying and comforting my grandma

My best friend crying

Because we never got to move in together and be roommates like we always talked about

My little brother crying

Because we never got to speed in my car and blast loud music like we always talked about 

Dieing isn't an option

Living is an option 

I want to blast music and speed in my car with my little brother 

I want to move in with my best friend and be roommates

I want my dad to walk me down the aisle 

I want to be my sisters maid of honor and see her get married

I want to see my brother grow up get his first girlfriend 

I want to stay with my grandparents 

I want to stay with my aunt who is like my second mom

I want to stay

Want to stay

To stay 

Stay

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Gershon Wolf December 4, 2024 at 12:00 AM Courageous baring of true feelings here, Annie -- with the only viable conclusion, methinks. Hang in there and keep thinking positive! Yours is a sensitive sol, and you are NOT alone. :) Gershon

Beata Agustin November 15, 2024 at 6:49 PM Thanks for sharing this... exposing your thoughts through your unique poetic style. Welcome to Poetry Soup. I welcome you with the love of the Lord, expressed by John 3:16 of the Bible, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Be blessed.

Sally Eslinger November 13, 2024 at 9:41 AM Yes, Annie, stay here in the world! Do remember that poets(& most in the arts) struggle w/thinking too little of ourselves You’re also lucky if U have family support. Even Christ had little supportin his hometown! It is your time to journey; i i am 73 & did not realize my meaning in life til i was68. Before that i had the faith Someday i’d know & meantime to perceive, create, practice, spiritually grow. Your posted poemis sincere & talented! In The Soup, we’re here for you hugs

Unseeking Seeker November 12, 2024 at 8:56 PM Yes, do stay, Annie, stay as a breath of fresh air, the fragrance of a rose, the magic of the moon, the waltz of swans, the warmth of the sun, reassurance of the earth and the rapture borne by effervescence of love.