Smile and nod

Smile & nod Actin like my attention spans top notch Steady glancin at the clock Checkin my wrist with no watch Don't take offense This probably won't make sense Sht got me all jittery & tense I really can't help it My brain cells are spent Done way too many drugs Still do...just because I keep going & going Even after knowing what it does So easily distracted But when push comes to shove I'm as sharp as a razor Most sht though I'll just deal with it later Stay to myself Because my hearts much safer The ones I let in Lead me straight into danger They were all fam though I call them my Soul Changers Never knew I could Simultaneously Love & hate who I am Won't even give myself a real chance Got a heart made of gold But I already know Ima fck up again thats not the plan I legit try as hard as I can At least when im sober enough to see straight & stand Drugs got me ona whole different level Don't even care that i walk around Dirty & disheveled Avoiding mirrors at any cost Except when were together Cravin his touch So i can finally get some pleasure But if I had to measure I could seriously start believing That even his soul can't help but hate me All that comes out his mouth are words that berate me Can't blame him tho Its impossible to date me Been so far beyond damaged Since I came out tha womb Mom's tried to dip off & leave me in tha hospital room Btch told me to kick rocks Before I could even walk If I was able to talk Would been like damn mama, ain't this a lil too soon? Hated by who I was created by Just for bein alive made sure it wasn't known By anyone who wasnt attuned Bt the immediate heartless abuse That ensued the moment she pushed me out drenched in that slimy womb juice Shes the one who taught me to cut me Showed kindness to everyone but me Slipped me drugs as a teen To get a good laugh at the vomit i hada clean From the overdoses I experienced on tha daily became more and more obvious She couldn't stand me Evertime she got bored plz be assured It was almost too much to endure But it got to the point refused to show her my pain Fought tears everytime She'd tried to feed me the line the fault was all mine For being such a terrible kid I used to lose control n flip Swore i wasn't guna let her win So I took it on the chin With every lashing I smiled & nodded w a grin I've accepted it now, As how my life was supposed to begin