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Smile & nod
Actin like my attention spans
top notch
Steady glancin at the clock
Checkin my wrist with no watch 
Don't take  offense 
This probably won't make sense 
Sht got me all jittery & tense 
I really can't help it
My brain cells are spent 
Done way too many drugs
Still do...just because 
I keep going & going 
Even after knowing 
what it does
So easily distracted 
But when push comes to shove
I'm as sharp as a razor
Most sht though 
I'll just deal with it later
Stay to myself 
Because my hearts much safer 
The ones I let in
Lead me straight into danger 
They were all fam though 
I call them my Soul Changers
Never knew I could Simultaneously 
Love & hate who I am
Won't even give myself a real chance
Got a heart made of gold
But I already know
Ima fck up again 
thats not the plan
I legit try as hard as I can
At least when im sober enough 
to see straight & stand
Drugs got me ona whole 
different level
Don't even care that i walk around
Dirty & disheveled 
Avoiding mirrors at any cost
Except when were together 
Cravin his touch 
So i can finally get some pleasure
But if I had to measure  
I could seriously start believing 
That even his soul can't help
 but hate me
All that comes out his mouth 
are words that berate me
Can't blame him tho
Its impossible to date me
Been so far beyond damaged
Since I came out tha womb
Mom's tried to dip off &
 leave me in tha hospital room
Btch told me to kick rocks
Before I could even walk
If I was able to talk
Would been like 
damn mama, ain't this a lil too soon?
Hated by who I was created by
Just for bein alive
made sure it wasn't known
By anyone who wasnt attuned
Bt the immediate heartless abuse
That ensued the moment she pushed me out
drenched in that slimy womb  juice 
Shes the one who taught me to cut me
Showed kindness to everyone but me
Slipped me drugs as a teen
To get a good laugh at the vomit i hada clean 
From the overdoses I experienced on tha daily
became more and more obvious
She couldn't stand me
Evertime she got bored
plz be assured
It was almost too much to endure
But it got to the point
refused to show her my pain 
Fought tears everytime
She'd tried to feed me the line
the fault was all mine 
For being such a terrible kid
I used to lose control n flip
Swore i wasn't guna let her win
So I took it on the chin
With every lashing
I smiled & nodded w a grin
I've accepted it now,
As how my life was supposed to begin
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