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Skies From a Little Girl's Eyes

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She wades in until the water reaches her waist, looks out and continues into the endless sea. Her imagined long gown floats behind her. Her little girl shoulder blades become hidden beneath the water. Each time she raises her arms because it is cold, but the sea is calm and peaceful, too cold for the others who prefer to watch. It is her moment alone to feel like a Princess. She lowers her regal eyes but not her head, to keep her crown from falling. She sees how her feet glide on the sand, her legs extend to touch the bottom as golden sun reflects her movements on the water. Sunlight penetrates the depths as her toes penetrate pristine sands. When water becomes chest high her arms rise and then she lies back to float so she can view the azure sky in great wonderment. Are the clouds shaped like a person ? Translation by Connie Marcum Wong ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Original Poem: RIEN N’EMPÊCHE D’AUTRES OISEAUX By Ariane Dreyfus Elle s’arrête quand l’eau lui arrive à la taille Regarde, avance à nouveau, et la mer infinie La suit, traîne qu’elle sent à peine, la robe elle l’imagine S’effacent ses omoplates de petite fille À chaque fois qu’elle lève les coudes et se hausse Car il fait froid Mais l’eau est calme, pas embêtante Frileux les autres sont restés derrière C’est donc un instant de princesse Elle baisse les yeux, mais pas la tête À cause de sa couronne qui pourrait tomber Regarde comment ses pieds glissent Sur le sable Parce qu’il est très loin les jambes ont grandi Elles se tordent à plein de reflets Le soleil y va, en profondeur Et plus en profondeur la pointe des pieds Pour aller jusqu’au sol intouché L’eau presqu’à la poitrine, elle étire ses bras Ainsi flottent les mains Puis s’allonger, sinon comment voir que le ciel Donne un si grand vertige, et les nuages en forme de personne? ************************************* Rough English Translation I had to work from: THERE IS NOTHING TO PREVENT OTHER BIRDS By Ariane Dreyfus She stops when the water comes the size Look, move again, and the endless sea Follows her, drags that she feels, the dress she imagine Fade her shoulder blades of little girl Whenever she raises the elbows and to increase Because it is cold But the water is quiet, no annoying Chilly the rest remained behind It is a moment of Princess She drops the eyes, but not the head Because of its Crown that could fall Look how her feet slide On the sand Because it is far away the legs grew They writhe in lots of reflections The sun go, deep And more in depth the toes To go to the ground untouched Water almost ' chest, she stretches her arms Thus float hands Then lie down, otherwise how can I see the sky Gives a great dizziness, and person-shaped clouds?

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017




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Date: 9/21/2017 4:52:00 PM
Very beautiful Connie. I can only imagine the challenge it is to translate, you did it wonderfully. I love the aura of your words, the last line made me think of you gazing at the clouds and your dream to fly the skies takes off:) Masterful writing, you are a joy to read xo
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Date: 8/1/2017 3:14:00 PM
An interesting and refreshing write, Connie - being transported to childhood and convincingly viewing the world as such takes real talent... Well-penned!! Regards, John.
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 8/1/2017 3:42:00 PM
Learning to translate is a challenge. There is a website called MPT (Modern Poetry Translations) I enjoyed working on this one. Thank you very much for such a great comment John. : )
Date: 7/13/2017 6:32:00 AM
What a wonderful descriptive poem you've crafted here Connie. It really felt like I was there looking through the eyes of this little girl, looking up at those person shaped clouds. A woman of great talents, so you speak French too?.Love this poem of yours Maria
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 7/13/2017 11:57:00 AM
Very poorly, so I need help to translate it but you can see how it was translated (the bottom poem). Then you go from there. I appreciate your nice comments Maria. Thank you very much. : )
Date: 7/2/2017 4:40:00 PM
wow, this must be an example of what you were telling me about, Connie. WELL DONE. Bravo! I liked YOUR version better than the one on the bottom
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 7/3/2017 6:51:00 PM
Thank you Andrea. I love her poem. I hope that you will be able to take the challenge. : )
Date: 7/2/2017 3:45:00 PM
this flows with enchanting scenes of childlike wonder.. love the feel of innocence, connie.. ohh, enjoyed this beauty,,,huggs
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 7/3/2017 6:54:00 PM
Thank you very much Nette. I just found out today that MPT (modern poetry in translation) just accepted my translation for their website. This is my second translation. My first was on a Russian poem. : )
Date: 7/2/2017 9:48:00 AM
I love this Connie! What I do with translations is something unusual on Soup: I create a table into the NOTES section, with two columns, and then paste the original in one column, and the translation in the other. And then in the normal poem frame I put my explanation :) Your translation by the way is wonderful, so well done! Bravo! (The regal eyes are priceless)
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 7/2/2017 4:37:00 PM
Thank you very much Darren. I just put up the English translation I had to work from and it is very different from my translation, but I think that is what she is trying to convey. Sometimes a lot is lost in Translation. : )
Date: 7/2/2017 3:36:00 AM
Excellent. Nice imagery write. Enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing it.
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Date: 7/1/2017 2:06:00 PM
- Unfortunately, I can not read it in French, it was beautiful in English :) - (... but, I can read it in Norwegian :) - Thanks, Connie - I wish you a beautiful weekend :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
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Date: 7/1/2017 10:22:00 AM
Hi Connie, such a lovely translation. I follow your words with rapt attention. An excellent write Connie. I have missed dropping by and reading your wonderful words. I love the whole scene, the sea, the little girl, the sky, nature at its best. A poem one could read over and over. This has to be a fave. Hugs....Mike. XX
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Date: 6/30/2017 5:52:00 AM
Fantastique mon amie, Connie. Felicitations! Fantastic my friend, Connie, Congratulations! Should I write that in Greek as well? Haha!
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 6/30/2017 4:53:00 PM
I would love to see it in Greek, though I wouldn't understand it. The English translation of this French poem sounds nothing like my translation but it is what I perceive she is trying to convey. Thank you very much for your wonderful comment Demetrios. ; )
Date: 6/30/2017 5:48:00 AM
Very beautiful, Connie, clouds are always fascinating to watch, child or not:)
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 6/30/2017 4:58:00 PM
Her poem exudes the beauty of nature Jo, through the innocence of a child's eyes. I am not sure I did it justice, but I tried. I love to cloud watch here in Hawaii, which is one of the first gifts that tourists notice. Thank you very much. It is always so nice to hear from you. ; )
Date: 6/30/2017 2:03:00 AM
It is so nice to write about your children and grandchildren. Watch them grow up and enjoy themselves. Wonderful write, Connie ~*
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 6/30/2017 2:40:00 AM
The credit goes to the French poet Ariane Dreyfus for she created the poem in French. I just arranged my own translation. Thank you Eve. This poem did remind me of my granddaughter. : )
Date: 6/29/2017 7:16:00 PM
Captivating in any language, Connie. I was standing on the shore, watching her.
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 6/29/2017 7:44:00 PM
Thank you Lin. This is my translation of French poet Ariane Dreyfus's lovely poem of how I interpret it. : )
Date: 6/29/2017 7:11:00 PM
C'est magnifique Connie...god bless...^WW^
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Connie Marcum Wong
Date: 6/29/2017 7:39:00 PM
Merci beaucoup mon ami ! : )
Date: 6/29/2017 6:07:00 PM
This was fun and refreshing and beautiful Connie and even though I don't read French, that was beautiful too. :) Really nicely done my friend. This felt good to read.
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Date: 6/29/2017 6:05:00 PM
It's a beautiful poem, Mrs Connie:) I was watching the clouds changing shapes only yesterday:) It never gets old. Lol
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