Shattered, Scattered, Trashed

Hello again Conscious, my dear friend hello again dear mirror, my wake up call hello again myself, it's too early for this but it needs to be said No one will understand my turmoil, decisions, incentives my numbing drive for rebellion against Hollywood except for myself and the music flooding my ears my oblivious mentors I just need someone to hear me...someone to scream to, to vent to I HATE THIS! ! ! whatever this may be The rose once in my hand is now the thorn in my side the force irritating, causing the pain to increase I find to be the wave of my own hand jamming it in Today, to put it plainly, I'm plaster shattered, scattered, trashed; silent and fuming dramatically in an all out tantrum of sorts without real intention of calming My personal demons wish to bring me down sticking into me like tainted needles bizarre though, I'm becoming unusually fond of the sedative It reminds me my answer to all questions can't remain 'I don't care' though in all honesty, carelessness is just a phase I just don't care, not today and probably not tomorrow I've got a superfluous amount of evil thoughts manipulating the impulses in my nerves wanting me to commit the crime tear down my carefully constructed labyrinth allow my anger to exhale like the volcano of Pompeii launch a five finger crusade on someone's skull a barrage similar to ten bullets in one anything to relieve these self-crippling feelings of loneliness and worthlessness The symptoms of my current disease: apathy, anger, agitation words of an 'authority figure' crawling so deep under my skin so dastardly I cannot help but scream out in distress Respect me, I shall respect you in return don't get under my skin, make light of my competence and expect me to cooperate You try to make an example of me by creating a false scene over a situation unworthy of time Is drama the only thing teachers can handle to excite their boring, tedious lives Whatever the case, I don't mind or care I don't step down to anyone, anything I feel so unreasonably ruthless, undeniably cutthroat My reasons, none is listed; could just be another bad day or it could be the hatred I push towards authority attempting to run over, control me I am not a puppet, subject to being a victim of strings becoming my movement I rebel, rebellion is my adrenaline My desire to be different, the drive which separates me from everyone the one moment I succumb is when I have abandoned everything The attempt to rip out the thorn is on hold all the anger I contain now is best kept in a closet My demons are swelling again my dark thoughts are consuming again just lock me in the cave I've built, lock the door and let me be let me stir in silence of my hatred, disgust, personal agony My heart is rising in my chest, wanting gravity to disappear It's never denied the truth, lied to me It may be the doubt or the tenacity causing me to believe all it says is just a fable for today Maybe I'll calm down or catastrophically meltdown breakdown and restart myself Throw a wall my way first or a face to cave in and I'll consider it, maybe not I HATE THIS! ! ! I LOATHE EVERYTHING! ! ! I just want to be in solitude, have the loneliest day of my life to pay tribute in the form of a mayday parade the fifth annual disaster When will it cease instead of seizing me I know, I know I just don't need this I don't need this hatred fueled anger this growing isolation, melancholy theory I don't need any of this So why do I feel like a neutron star, a broken atom imploded, deadly, decomposed, departed, dust Nothing....nothing...nothing...nothing.... I'm reduced to nothing....nothing... ....and I don't even care.... and I don't even care at all....