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Session 2: Tech support notes from the server backup and dead chicken case

The Almost Omniscient, Omnipresent, Omnipotent Tech God Oisin Session 2: Tech support notes from the server backup and dead chicken case “Hello this is Oisin. How may I help you this morning?” Oisin says in his polite business voice. “Oh, mighty omnipresent and omnipotent tech god Oisin. How have we displeased you that you see our disaster but do not grant an answer to our prayers? Your mighty Oracle is not speaking to us this morning.” The voice over the phone sounds shaky and uncertain. “Please just call me Oisin. Who is this? Does anyone there speak English?” He asks this thinking; he is just not hearing this person correctly. “I speak English and my name is Pete. Sorry I am distraught and thought for sure you would have seen our problem already here at ABC Corp.” His voice started to get less shaky as he seemed to think he might have caught Oisin in a fault in his godhood. “Okay Pete hold on for a second as I get into your network.” Oisin thinks at least; I know what company I am dealing with. He can see the workstations but not the server. “Pete, I cannot see your server. What is your workstation name?” “How would I know that?” Pete says with an even stronger voice as he thinks less of this tech god. “Look at the upper left of your computer screen, there should be a tag there telling you the computer's name.” Oisin hoped it was still there, he did not want to have to explain to him how to see it by clicking on the Windows Start button. The poor guy seemed to be in a bad mood already. “Oh, I see it. It says Win7-WK4.” “Okay I am getting on your computer now. You will see me moving your mouse around as I check things out.” He goes to the computer's drive window and sees the server drive letter is showing disconnected. He quickly connects to another workstation and sees the same issue. “Pete can you see the server from were you are at?” “You mean your Oracle? Yes, I can.” “It is called a server by the way. Well anyhow can you see any lights on it or the that its screen is light up?” Oisin says, hoping it is just that the server is off. Get this figured out quick, so he can drink the rest of his needed coffee. “Yes I see lights and the screen is showing what it usually shows. Can you not get on its screen and fix this?" Pete says, losing even more faith in Oisin. “Okay, was the server working last night when you left?” Oisin asks trying to find out some more information as to what might be wrong. “Yes everything was working last night. We performed our evening ritual that your Voodoo tech god told us to do every nigh!” Pete said with an accusing tone. “Okay, tell me exactly what you do at night, step by step, leaving nothing out.” Oisin had looked at the motoring logs as he listened to Pete. He saw that the server connection went down at 6 pm last night. He thought to himself; he will have to find out, what the heck this “ritual” was Pete was talking about. “Myself and John went to the s-e-r-v-e-r,” Pete was having a problem with this tech talk it was easier thinking of it as the Oracle, “and I disconnected the magic black box called Backup 1 and connected up Backup 2. Next John took the chicken by the feet and held it upside down as I slit its throat, and he circled the Oracle, sorry I mean the s-e-r-v-e-r, making sure the blood encircled it just like we were told.” “Hum, all right,"” Oisin thought okay strange, but he knew where all this was coming from now, “and that was all that happened?” “W-e-l-l as we went to leave; John slipped in the blood and tripped over this blue snake thing coming out of the back of the server.” He was proud of himself; he said the tech term better that time. “Okay, I think I know the problem. Go to the back of the server. Do you see that blue snake?” Oisin said in as even as a voice as he could. “Yes” “That is the network cable to the server is it still connected to the server?” Oisin hopes this is the problem; he really needs his coffee NOW! “No the end of the snake is laying on the floor.” Pete says as he bends down to pick it up, “ I have it in my hand now, what should I do next?” “Okay look at the back of the server and you will see a square hole that the end will fit into.” Oisin says trying to hide the relief in his voice. “Okay, did that and some lights came on near the hole. Is that good?” Pete asks hoping that is the case. “Yes, that is good. Give me a second,” he says as he goes back to Pete's computer screen and clicks on the network drive and gets the drive to load. “All is good now,”Oisin says not hiding the pleasure in his tone. “Now, Pete from now on skip the entire chicken ritual, just change the backup drives.” “Okay, but will that not displease the Voodoo tech god?” Pete says once, again uncertainty enters his voice. “Do not worry. I will make sure he understands. Good-bye for now and call me if you have any other problems.” “Okay I will, thanks.” Pete hangs up the phone and Oisin takes a long drink of his lukewarm coffee. He puts down his coffee and types an email to the rest of the tech support group warning all to knock off the voodoo dead chicken waving humor, or he would stuff a dead chicken down their pie hole.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016

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Date: 8/6/2016 8:18:00 AM
You entertained me this morning, Hillard! I have been involved many times in this IT world you wrote of and find elements of your write absolutely hysterical! Your imagination gifted us an amusing, satirical write - well done ... CayCay
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Hillard Sarver
Date: 8/6/2016 9:26:00 AM
Thank you so much for you kind words. I love to make people thing, question, feel and of course laugh.