Selected Lyrics From the Imaginary Invalid

After graduating from UF, in the early '80s I wrote the book, lyrics and score for a musical adaptation of Moliere's farce Le Malade Imaginaire ("The Imaginary Invalid") and have decided to post five of the song lyrics from my adaptation. 1. OPENING NUMBER ARGAN [tragically] A sick man’s life is fraught— [Pause; then ebulliently] With many pleasures! Like enemas and pills and other measures. When there’s a flutter in my heart Like there’s butter in my heart I don’t mutter in my heart— I sing! It’s never-failing, When you’re ailing, Have a fling! A sick man’s life is always so surprising, You just can’t tell what ailment is arising No matter who you chance to meet Swapping stories, you compete: You’re so sick, you always beat Them at the game— Compared with mine Their paltry whine Just seems so lame! [tragically] But oh! The pain, the pain— I bear it like a living saint— I never would complain, Not even when I’m feeling faint! [Leaps up and cavorts athletically around the room] [Settling down] A sick man’s life is anything but boring— There’s always some disease to be exploring. I search its symptoms in a book, Call my doctor sorely shook, Make arrangements that he look After my need— Not every hemophiliac, you know, might bleed! It’s never failing when you’re ailing Never failing when you’re ailing Never failing when you’re ailing Have a fling! 4. WHAT I NEVER KNEW I HOPED FOR ANGELIQUE You’re what I never knew I hoped for— You’re what I never knew I dreamed about. It’s funny how things happen— It’s rare one’s dreams come true, Or else, one day they are swept away, Like mine were changed by you. You’re what I never knew I hoped for— You’re what I never knew I dreamed about. And now, I’m all confused, Adrift upon a cloud, Unsure of the time, in a mist, and blind To all— to all, but your face! And old sayings hold true: You’re a bolt from the blue, You’re a blossom in winter, a blessing, a clue To the me that was hidden away. I’ve seen you: I’m different today. 9. ACT ONE FINALE ARGAN Now everything moves forward to the letter (The legal stuff could still progress much better!) I’ll make some changes to my will Make no compromise until Angelique comes to fulfill all my desires— I’ll have a doctor as my kin, what else transpires! ANGELIQUE AND CLEANCE We two shall search his records, bills, and papers For evidence of all his wifey’s capers. BERALDE And since he’s pushed us to the brink We’ll engage a well-known shrink To observe and tell us what he thinks to do— ALL THREE And we’ll insist that he persist until we’re through! BELINE They’re nearly onto the game! DR PURGON It should perhaps be put on the shelf— BELINE I’ll play on, just the same. BELINE & DR PURGON It’s everybody for her-/him- self! ALL FIVE Now on to lunch, with thoughts not where the pans are: While we digest, our minds are where our plans are! Though it is innocent, it seems, To be dreaming harmless dreams, We’ll be nursing subtle schemes all of the while: For some elation, machination is in style! 10. THE DISH RAG THREE GOSSIPS Oh, did you hear the dish about Mary Ann? She went and fell for a delivery man! ONE She says that money isn’t everything— TWO I doubt it! THREE She may like peasants, fine, but there’s no need to tout it! SEVERAL OTHERS And did you get the dirt about Cindy Lou? The guy she dates looks like he lives in a zoo! TWO They say that love is blind, and this really shows it! THREE Perhaps it’s just a phase… ONE Let’s hope that she outgrows it! VARIOUSLY So what’s the latest poop? I haven’t dished all day! We need a fresh new scoop— It’s old news anyway! I know you’re in the loop What were you going to say? Oh please! The gossip here is a bore! ALL TOGETHER And even on the television All the characters seem to say Is how they hold him in derision Or else who’ll she sleep with today— Bed and bar-room hopping Never think of stopping— TV life must be swell! And far from consternation This is emulation: We will buy whatever they sell! THE THREE GOSSIPS Then there’s the news concerning little Toinette— She’s just as smitten as a poor girl can get! ONE They say that she loves Robert… TWO But he won’t return it! THREE Poor fool! ALL She’ll make a big mistake yet! 11. STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TOINETTE Dare I wish this come to pass? Is love all it’s said to be? And stranger things have happened Than his falling in love with me: It could come true. It could come true. Dare I hope where hope is slight? Be blind when I ought to see? Yet stranger things have happened Than his falling in love with me: It could come true; It could come true. Should I hope for it? Should I plan on it? Should I smile and tell myself That I’m not a fool? Have I dreamt too much, Leapt ahead too soon, Set my sights a bit too high My hopes too far, to find That I’m alone, just as before, Listening sadly at the door, Nursing my bruised emotions in the shadows-- Shattered notions in the shadows-- Longing for a lost affair, Pleading with the empty air, Knowing that he doesn’t care… He doesn’t care? I shall play the hopeful fool: It’s all that I care to be— And stranger things have happened Than his falling in love with me! It could come true… it could come true. It could come true— it has to come true!