Seat at my table

I feel so bad writing these verses Spewing hate when all I feel is love 38 years of pain is seeping Kindness leaving, my life is for reaping Never allowed to express my feelings Others always right, my heart always takes a beating My truth is mine, you dont have to believe Your truth is yours only to perceive Narcissistic, that you are But who were you before? I thought you were my hero Now when I think of you i cry into my pillow How did we get here, where did it go wrong? You were my confidant for so long But as time passed the real you came out A liar, a cheat but the real victim is me You used to say you'd love me whatever Now were just strangers forever You don't even say happy birthday no more How can a mother forget the day their child was born? Crying in silence, missing you like mad So much to tell you, it makes me so sad I wish I could call just to say hello Even writing this makes me feel low But the hate that I feel has overtaken The lie you told was of your making 38 years since the lie was first said 38 years later the lie lives in my head I look like him, did that hurt you? I didn't want my face to break you My heart is sick just like his too Do you know the doctor said I might not make it through? If I should pass without saying goodbye Read these verses to help understand why Please know i loved you no matter what Unconditional forever even when the door was shut I'm sorry that I ruined your life I'm sorry that I couldn't make it right I'm sorry that I ever was born But you chose my dad yet im the one that mourns I'm in a straight jacket and you have the key Nobody is coming to rescue me You told the lie, you broke my heart I wish we could go back to the start Our time is done, I have to admit that is true Mother and daughter a relationship we outgrew I'm always here for you, though its more than you deserve There's always a seat at my table...no need to reserve