Sculpted

Life, are you a blessing or a punishment? I'm trying to understand how I'm a slave to the sculpted version of me. A prisoner without chains, upon a path forged with my own hands, feeling lifeless, drained from premeditated premonitions. I'm burning like a caliginous candle, melting in waxing weepings - fatigued from flames of rage and regret. In this sable epoch, I'm unable to master my mind, as bitter temperatures trigger tenebrous tones, I tremble, feeling tremors from corrosive cysts. Birds remain mute on somber mornings. When did I become their nemesis? I've stopped searching for sunshine from absent friends, or explaining to impatient selfish souls, too consumed in their internal thoughts. Maybe the problem is my restless existence, not in their lack of empathy. I've always been sober to sorrow, but I hunger to drink myself to death. Irritated by smiling, I'm slowly suffocating, losing all desire for me to breathe - unable to escape the angst of air. My eyes are like tender lanterns, guiding with damp cautious flickers, craving crepuscule hues, but all I see is a solemn moon, wrapped in a blank black hoodie. My cathartic conscience feels unconscious, defeated from colourless pastels. Feeling dejected and dreary, drenched from misty icy rain, I walk towards a ghostly passage of muted feet, searching for shelter in my clandestine cave. I awoke hoping for a gold and copper dawn, but only lethargic gloom greeted my spirit. As I tumble like leaves blowing in the breeze, I return to nothingness, haunted by wraiths at dusk.

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Duke Beaufort

Date: 6/1/2024 7:48:00 AM

SO, I first read this thinking it might just be about a statue and you are giving it feelings. Makes me laugh because I've often looked at sculptures as a tribute to people. This makes it seem more like experiencing torture and flips the whole concept upside-down. As an allegory, being a statue is a very cruel prison as you describe it. This could also qualify as a description of depression and the loss of feeling one has after lack of success in life's interactions and work. Really wonderful and pensive work that creates much room for thought for all of us.

Maria Williams

Date: 5/27/2024 5:19:00 AM

Despite the potentially ominous and foreboding tone of your poem, I find myself unable to resist admiring the deft and skilful use of alliteration within it.It is remarkable how you S1, the Wordsmith have woven together words of depth to create a powerful and evocative effect. I recognize that life is often intricate and nuanced, and I sympathize, but I cannot help but genuinely appreciate your masterful use of language in portraying it...Hugs

Jennifer Proxenos

Date: 5/25/2024 3:38:00 PM

I echo Valdas sentiments and hope my previous comment to you dear friend finds you in a resolute and more peaceful state for you are truly remarkable as a poet and friend. Blessings SO. Jennifer

Tonye George

Date: 5/25/2024 9:36:00 AM

There should never be a search for people who have never availed themselves to cheer you up, to hold you, guide you or provide warmth. Being distant and present and being absent while present are two halves of each and we must know the difference and only focus on the positive energy. Life is so many things. It's chaos, it's regrets, hurts, mistakes, happiness, hope. We should be drawn to the part that shelters us. The dear friends and family, those are what we need to break those sly chains.

Vijay Pandit

Date: 5/25/2024 5:03:00 AM

Your opening line spells the essence of theme that resonates throughout in this highly emotive write, SO--woven with splendid poetic devices. Forlorn words paint the state of mind: I've stopped searching for sunshine from absent friends, or explaining to impatient selfish souls, too consumed in their internal thoughts---I awoke hoping for a gold and copper dawn, but only lethargic gloom greeted my spirit--excellent, as always.

Ink Empress

Date: 5/25/2024 3:01:00 AM

Dear silent one, what a poignant pensive and profound write this is! So soulfully deep and sincere, many can resonate with these feelings youve woven in the most eloquent manner! Its never easy when one is an empath like you, you can feel more than they express or tell you, energy when bad around you can be draining. This poem gives an introspective and reflective touch, looking around, from life to friends, when one is feeling like a prisoner chained to the reality that they question whether is a punishment or blessing. The real question isnt whether restless existence is the problem, but whether so called friends that refuse to give back what they receive! I realized my life is so much better ever since i chose to cut many out of my life and leave only few close ones that mean well. I must also highlight the poetic nature

Ink Empress
Date: 5/25/2024 3:06:00 AM

Of your lines! Subtle alliterations and seamless flow of lines so well articulated , I especially love the lines “ My eyes are like tender lanterns, guiding with damp cautious flickers, craving crepuscule hues, but all I see is a solemn moon, wrapped in a blank black hoodie. My cathartic conscience feels unconscious, defeated from colourless pastels.“ wow! The way youv woven blank black hoodie there is so creative and also how descriptively youv described emotions is beyond impeccable! “ searching for shelter in my clandestine cave.“ excellent! And the word pairing there clandestine cave really stood out for me! Overall, this poem flows with impeccable diction and metaphors as well as assonance and alliterations painting imagery so greyish and meaningful! Pleasure reading this! Sending you light always

Joanna Daniel

Date: 5/25/2024 2:41:00 AM

This is dark, SO, so well expressed:) may God give you the needed peace:)

Victor Buhagiar

Date: 5/25/2024 1:48:00 AM

I suppose many live in chains of their own doing. I do not feel like a slave though. Not everyone is lucky. A great emotional write.

Valsa George

Date: 5/24/2024 9:36:00 PM

What a soul hitting composition. This leaves me extremely sad. This is poetically more than perfect and you alone can picture one's sordid mental state with such poignancy and sharpness. What I have been searching in the poem was to find a gleam of hope somewhere, but unfortunately couldn't find. This may be fictitious, but I see I slice of your heart here. Please think of the great blessings you have received from God and the many attributes you have and drown your sorrow and float in the waves of thankfulness. You are one of the most gifted poets in this site. God can't give everything to one person. So cheer up man.

Sotto Poet

Date: 5/24/2024 5:41:00 PM

My dear SO, your poem delves into the struggles of existence, feeling trapped and drained by life's challenges, and delves into themes of despair, isolation, self-reflection, and a yearning for something more profound. The language you chose is powerful and evocative, setting a melancholic and introspective mood. Your use of vivid imagery, such as "burning like a caliginous candle," "melting in waxing weepings," and "feeling tremors from corrosive cysts," effectively conveys the emotional turmoil within. The poem is filled with metaphors and descriptive language that paint a bleak picture of the state of mind. Throughout the piece, you skillfully employ poetic devices such as simile, metaphor, personification, and imagery to heighten the emotional impact and add layers of meaning.

Sara Etgen-Baker

Date: 5/24/2024 4:39:00 PM

These introductory words captured my heart and soul: I'm trying to understand how I'm a slave to the sculpted version of me. A prisoner without chains, upon a path forged with my own hands What an image is 'sculpted version of me.' Such truth and insight in those words. Although your poem seemed a little dark and filled with angst, I couldn't help but like the outpouring of emotions and questions about existence itself. How magnificent this poem is! I'm breathless. Enjoy your evening, Sara

Mystic Rose Rose

Date: 5/24/2024 2:52:00 PM

My eyes are like tender lanterns, I can only imagine how they can light the path for someone in need of a friend, thanks for sharing your preciousness !